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Entered on: January 7, 2004 12:00 AM by BigFatty
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BONJOUR! Welcome to France! This is where you will shit! Enjoy your stay! Quit laughing you bastards.
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FATTY_PHOTO 1 - 20 Comments
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I have heard of shit (no pun intended) like this, but I ain't never seen one myself. I thought the Japanse squatted in holes like these, but I thought the French were a bit more refined - these are the people who invented bidets, no? Fatty, please don't tell me that this is what you have to shit in? Oh, and where's the TP?
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That ain't right! I actually used one like this in Thailand although it was far more fucked up. It had no toilet paper, only a bucket of water to stick your hand in and wipe your ass with your hand. Luckily for me I had tissue. I had to through the shitpaper in a little trashcan beause there was no flusher. But back to your situation, I would just walk down to the neighborhood cafe and shit there if I were you. This definately isn't typical of French shitters.
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Man, that's heinous. When I went backpacking, I had to dig a hole, squat over it, and shit, and my body just isn't used to the squat method, so it was really difficult. You don't want to completely pull your pants off, because you're outside, and doing so means taking off your shoes, too. But you really have no choice if you don't want to leave a log in your undies. I ended up just squeezing off what I could, then holding it until I got home. I basically ran in the door, pulled my pants down and the turd was runnin' for daylight...
In other words, Fatty, I feel for you. Although I guess if one gets used to the squat method, it wouldn't be too bad. In other other words, I'm glad I'm not you.
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I don't understand this foto at all.
Willy, are you sure you're supposed to be shitting there?
Maybe you better consult your French-English dictionary again... there HAS to be some miscommunication going on here.
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I showed this pic to my friend Battersby. The following is a transcript of our IM conversation:
Battersby: ah, the squat pot. you know it's really a better way to
shit than sitting down...
Ross: really?
Ross: seems crude to me
Ross: but of course I'm biased
Battersby: try squatting, and then sit back down in a chair. which
feels like a more natural position for squeezing one out?
Ross: granted
Ross: but what about the pants-around-the-ankles issue?
Battersby: aim is paramount.
Ross: haha
Ross: LOL
Ross: still, in that pic, I see no paper
Battersby: maybe out of the frame? is it one of those shower/toilet dealies?
Ross: WHAT?
Battersby: there may be a shower head on the wall. multi-purpose facility.
Ross: that's sick and wrong
Battersby: do you step out the shower to pee?
Ross: well..
Ross: not always, I suppose
Ross: but shitting?
Battersby: cultural taboos, my friend.
Ross: hey, I'm open minded
Ross: but I want to keep the idea of shit away from everything else
Ross: call it taboo if you want
Battersby: but i WILL NOT shit in the shower!
Ross: I'm sticking with that one
Ross: RIGHT!
Ross: you think I'm off base?
Battersby: i understand the discomfort, but when in rome...
Ross: look, piss is relatively harmless
Ross: those urine therapy assholes drink it with little side effect
Ross: but shit is another story, my friend
Battersby: believe me, i've been through it personally. eventually,
your biological needs win out over your socialized ideas of right-or-
wrong
Ross: I do not have a biological need to shit in the shower, dude
Ross: granted there would be the convenience of getting clean
as quickly and easily as possible
Battersby: no. but if you have a need to shit, and the can's in the
shower you adapt
Ross: but I dont want to be standing in my own residue
Ross: yeah, but why engineer it so that people have to adapt?
Ross: I like our current system just fine
Battersby: it goes down the hole. you don't just shit on the floor!
Ross: what if you miss? I dont' have my technique down quite that well
Ross: you're squatting, man, it's some kind of shit video game
Battersby: for much of the world its a matter of cost. and you
develop your aim pretty quickly really
Ross: okay, now you're making some sense
Ross: I can buy that
Ross: still, I dont have to like it
Battersby: no, you don't.
Battersby: also consider that squatting is actually cleaner, since your
hairy ass never touches a surface that dozens or hundreds of other,
possibly diseased, hairy asses have touched since it's last cleaning.
the bottoms of your shoes are another story...
Ross: that was another concern of mine
Ross: whose carpet doesn't have shit on it with shitters like those?
Battersby: NEVER go to squat pot without foot gear!
Battersby: it occurs to me that i didn't spend a lot of time rolling
around on bare floors in asia.
Ross: hahaha
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I tell you from first hand experience that a Squat and Drop shitter is not as relaxing and comfortable as a Sit and Shit shitter. I like to relax and let gravity and my bowels do the work. Sqauting requires concentration and is more stressful. From a utilitarian standpoint, squating may seem better, however it takes away from the enjoyment factor. Additionally, you can mitigate hairy ass residue on the seat by wiping it down with TP and laying 2 long strips followed by one short as a barrier. Squating, you stand a great chance of dunking your pants in whatever nastiness is on the floor in a bathroom. Finally, you can aim like a champ, but diahhrea is unpredictable.
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Where to begin.... This is quite the interesting topic. First off, the shitter is a shitter only, not a shower too. However, Battersby might be on to something. This could work. First the shitting basin would be lower than the shower floor, so you would never stand in shit. You would need to learn to not step in the shitting basin. If they put a showerhead in my shitter, it would work fine. Plus, it would help keep clean the footpads, minimizing shit-foot.
On the missing TP issue - you bring in your own.
Hell ya, sitting is more comfortable. Squating seems to be more natural, but it is a crappy thing to endure. The french seem to shit at the speed of light! I listened to this one person, no joke, it took five seconds. There is no way that they wiped.
I'm still worried about the shit on the ankle thing. I'm being watchful!
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When Ranard attempted to squat and shit in the woods he shit in and around his pants so aim is paramount indeed. I have to go with the Bone on this one, I can't see the squat method as being a relaxing way to move one's bowels. As far as shitting in public, I of course prefer the home court but Tony's solution has proven viable in the past. Perhaps your aim would improve quickly out of necessity, however, I would not want to endure any mistakes or the occasional diarrhea.
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I actually have no problem shitting in (clean) public shitters. Most office restrooms suit me fine. I know I'm odd that way but for whatever reason I simply don't care. Granted, I don't try to be obnoxious, that might make things uncomfortable. But the home court holds no particular advantage for me.
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Clean is the key word here. I've been in many public restrooms that were far from clean and that's where the home court holds the advantage these days. I keep my shitters squeaky clean a departure from the old bachelor days I know but that's the way I like it now.
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Don't worry Johnny, I won't make even the mention.
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Anyone else hungry for a nice BOWL of CHILI?
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Awww, now you went and ruined it, Jack! Why did you have to go and mention the Chili Bowl? Obviously that is not what I was alluding to. ;)
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I don't mind the mention of the chili bowl. Even then I'd rather shit in familiar chili.
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I was watching the most recent episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit! last night, and there was a rather pertinent item. First off, the show was all about irrational fears, like people taping up their houses because of terrorist threats, and shit like that. But one part was about bacteria in public toilets. They did an (admittedly unscientific) test with four people, where they swabbed their face, hands, and ass, and sent the samples to a lab to test for bacteria. Guess what? The hands were far dirtier than the ass (one inch from the crack), for all four people, one of which was a hot chick (since somebody was bound to question the caliber of the subjects).
The scientists they interviewed also made the valid points that even urine, being sterile, carries no bacteria, and urine on a toilet seat isn't even a hospitable place for bacteria. Bacteria likes to grow in warm and wet places, which are not exactly what a public restroom is like.
So any idea that the squat and drop is cleaner is PURE BULLSHIT! Ask Fatty about that, and the effects of diarrhea.
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By the way, while watching the PETA episode of Bullshit, Penn used a phrase that I now consider to be one of the best ever: "Sweet Evil Jesus!"
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I now hate Hungarian Toilets!!! They never were liked much by me. Their design stinks. The toilets look like most American toilets, but the difference is in the bowl and where the water is. The main bowl is mainly dry. You poop right on the porcellian. There might be a small puddle of water, but in essence, you are shitting on a dry shelf. This is a terrible design. The water in American toilets covers up a lot of the odors, whilst in Hungary, the shit sits there out in the open while you bathe in the odor. When you flush, the water comes into the bowl and in most instances, washes your turds into a smaller second basin which is the discharge pipe. This one has some water in it to keep the sewer gases at bay at least!
So the last few times, I was shitting some fortresses - nice solids fortified with some liquid - shit and mortar if you will. Many of them struggled against the flushing torrent before being washed down the tube (all at once and I will admit to this being an impressive sight seeing my huge pile moving off into the pipe).
Tonight, I had problems. My shit fortress was especially strong. After two full flushes, it stood steadfast, refusing to budge. My last resort was to beat it down the flush hole with the toilet brush. This created a huge mess of the brush of course, shit caked all in it. It took about 6-7 flushes to get the brush and the bowl all cleaned out. Bullshit. Why can't all countries accepted a 'Best in Class' Toilet Design? It may not be American, but one must exist! I bet it is Japanese. BTW the sweet toilet seat that Bunky and I talked about in previous posts (the one with the water jet and dryer) had a product recall. It seems the heated toilet seats caused some fires. I am still getting me one!
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Any video of the fires on You Tube? That could be entertaining!
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The United States may be deficient in many areas, but toilets generally aren't one of them. Sure, we would use more bidets around, but generally speaking, I think our toilets are pretty sweet. On the other hand, in our offices in London, the shitters were sweet: the doors went all the way to the floor. While I have seen this in the US, it is rare. I can only assume it was more prevalent there.
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It certainly is. Euro has the best and worst of everything. You have perfect bathrooms with everything designed just right, to the hole in the floor with no door. The full-door shitters are very common. It must be mentioned that these are more than a full door on a stall. No, these are completely walled in rooms. Total privacy. Just you and the shitter. I'd like to think I've seen the best, but there are many countries that I would assume would have great bathrooms. Germany, Norway, Finland, Sweden, and Japan are the countries I still would like to check out the shitters in. But many Muslim counties are 'cleanliness crazy... so some of the more modern ones would be interesting too. Bone has been to more countries than I have, what is his favorite country for shitters?
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