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NEWS 415 - 16 Comments
From: Swerb Entered on: May 30, 2007 10:54 PM
I have long since given up the fiber tablets in lieu of just being conscious of eating more food with fiber in it. Granola for breakfast every day, dude. Works like a charm. I be reg-u-lerrr. I've had a thing for blackberries for a while now (I think they're in season this time of year), and they aid the process as well. I occasionally have bouts of constipation, and I'll reserve the metamucil for for such circumstances. But the idea of deucing footlong unbroken floaters (laughing out loud, thank you) is very tempting...
From: Ross Entered on: May 31, 2007 7:19 AM
Well, I've never had a problem with regularity either.  And I eat oatmeal for breakfast most days and since trying to clean up my diet have returned to eating fruits and vegetables almost every day.  But what I'm saying is that nothing has the effect of Metamucil.  Nothing.  So I think my point about fiber is the important one:  it appears not to be just the amount, but the type.  And this has got to be the best type there is.
From: Ross Entered on: May 31, 2007 10:06 AM
In the continuing vein of the oft-discussed topic of assal hygiene, my metamucil buddy has clued me in to this blog post, called The Wet Wipe Manifesto.  Needless to say, I think this guy is right on the money.  It's also hilarious.
From: The Bone Entered on: May 31, 2007 11:02 AM
What a cooincidence, I recently added ground flax seeds to my morning Muscle Milk shakes and the quality of my duece has improved vastly.  Again, it only has 16% of the daily reccomended intake of fiber but it works wonders.
From: The Bone Entered on: May 31, 2007 11:05 AM
By the way, the WWM is hilarious and spot on.
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 31, 2007 4:43 PM
That is flippin sweet - great Manifesto.... and it is a Manifesto, mind you, which makes it even sweeter.  I think the majority of us are on the wet wipe wagon.... all but one or two unclean assholes.  But, seeing this link on their post: www.washlet.com/ makes me re-think and re-order my future purchase priorities.  Why even have the battle of wipe front/ wipe rear when you don't even have to place your hands near your anus?  Remote control?  Heated seats?  Rejuveniated air flow?  Shit ninja, thats what I'm talking about!  And Ross... "I know I mentioned it to Fatty, who is the resident expert on bowel miscalibrations, and he didn't seem to be too impressed" It was not that I was unimpressed, just uninformed.  I did not know shit about Metamucil.  From the commercials, it seemed very gentle, geared towards old people.  I never have thought that it had potentcy of the anal wall scraping, FiberOne cereal, which caused me to gingerly walk from the toliet, thoroughly cleaned-out, after each and every use. Bone can attest to the powers of FiberOne, which he did not fully develop in this thread, but it is worthy of a re-read since it has other funny stories. http://www.jackassery.com/viewcomments.jsp?type=photo&id=28#106
From: Ross Entered on: June 1, 2007 9:27 AM
Fatty, I would have thought with all your issues that you'd have known about it.  But I'm not sure I liken it to a "colon scraping" quite like you describe - for me the key gain is the feeling that all possible shit is now out of my system (instead of an all-to-common "am I done?" feeling) and the solid nature greatly improves the cleanliness factor.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: June 1, 2007 9:54 AM
Apparently, I'm of that lucky minority on the site that shits nice solid bricks, with little "collateral damage."  I guess if I was blowing chili out of my ass, I'd use Baby-Wipes too.  For now, I'm sticking with dry toilet paper (but I also remain without a "man purse" so what do I know?). While y'all are being so anal with your anuses why stop at the exit point?  A daily enema could clean things up even more!  After all, if the thought of any fecal matter on your outside drives you bat shit crazy, just imagine all that fecal frosting in your insides!  Ewwww!
From: BigFatty Entered on: June 1, 2007 2:07 PM
Looks like something is searching our pages for links!  That is kind of scary.  Unless Jack wanted us to go to some country radio station for an article on fecal frosting.....  Ross, you better start charging that MoFo! Of course I've hear of Metamucil, it has a poor image problem.  I only think of it as being for old people - like prunes.  Thinking about it, it doesn't surprise me that it works.  It has been around for some time.  Its true, the empty feeling is nice, but with the FiberOne it came at the expense of an anal raping.  I'd give Metamucil a go when I get a chance.
From: Ross Entered on: June 1, 2007 2:18 PM
Yeah, apparently that's a small bug in my linkification code - I automatically search your text for www and http:// and automatically make links out of them.  apparently it also flags wwww, when it should probably be more like www. instead.  Have I made a mess of this comment or what?
From: The Bone Entered on: June 1, 2007 10:15 PM
The only problem I have with Metamucil is my mom takes it and she's hooked. She is physically unable to drop a load if she doesn't have it. I would caution against depndency. So Jack, what's your position on slipping and falling in shit? You good with wiping it up with a McDonalds napkin? I gaurantee that right this second as you are reading this you have cruddy bung molecules festing around your anus. Does it itch? For my money, ground flax seeds and wet wipes take care of 99% of all rectal issues.
From: Creeko Entered on: June 2, 2007 5:40 AM
I'm on board with the wet flushable ass wipes (not baby wipes as Zilla might suggest). But for a really bad ass fouling that's so heinous it burns with back splash and butt chaff (aside from a shower), a bidet is the way to go!It's also perfect for washing the sex off after an afternoon conjugal visit.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: June 2, 2007 7:50 AM
The Bone said: So Jack, what's your position on slipping and falling in shit? You good with wiping it up with a McDonalds napkin? I gaurantee that right this second as you are reading this you have cruddy bung molecules festing around your anus. Does it itch? Really, Bone?  Falling in shit is equal to some "bung molecules" around your anus?  Ninja, please!  In that case, what about all those bung molecules you're inhaling after a healthy fart?  Or the number of bung molecules any of you are consuming when you "lick the spice"?  Bung molecules will be the end of us all!!!
From: The Bone Entered on: June 2, 2007 11:29 AM
Absolulutely. You are smearing shit around your bung. It may not be exactly the same as falling in shit but it is orders of magnitude more serious than a fart. Besides, I try not to inhale fart molecules if at all possible but walking around with a gas mask is not really practicle - unlike a wet wipe.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: June 2, 2007 12:03 PM
Bone - The thing is, for me, smelling a fart is magnitudes worse then me wiping with dry toilet paper.  I notice no evidence or suffer no consequences of wiping dry, but a fart I could definately go without. I'd like to remind you that this country was founded on the freedom of individuals to wipe his or her ass as he or she sees fit (or freedom from wiping at all!).  You can practice whatever New Age, French-Approved, anally retentive wiping technique you want, but don't preach it to me.  How dare you judge me and my ass as being bung-crudded and itchy!  How dare you, I say to you, sir!
From: Jackzilla Entered on: June 3, 2007 4:54 PM
Good news, friends!   An alternative to your Baby Wet Wipes is here!!!  http://www.tpmister.com/