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QUOTE 92 - 23 Comments
From: The Bone Entered on: June 30, 2003 10:18 PM
What about a the poop hall? What do you call that?   That reminds me or the coffee can we were meant to piss and shit in during SERE school. It was called a "Urination/Defication Device". The individual holding cells we were in were the approximate size of a dog house so it was quite a trick to piss in it, much less shit.
From: John Entered on: June 30, 2003 10:29 PM
That had to suck Bone. The conditions even lead to some fornication of process as I recall.
From: The Bone Entered on: July 1, 2003 1:52 AM
The funny thing is periodically we had to empty our Urination/Defication Devices so we would form a big line and dump it in a recepticle. Now for some reason, this recepticle had a metal strainer on it to catch the turds. Mind you, we really hadn't had anything to eat for a week so there really shouldn't have been very many turds. Well, when my turn was up to empty the coffee can, I saw a few assorted turdlets which I had expected, however, dominating the strainer was a turd of epic proportion. First of all it was big by any standard. It was about 6 inches long but fat like a soda can. Somebody had a sore ass. The truly amazing thing was that anyone could muster a turd that size under those conditions. I shit at least once a day like clockwork and I didn't shit for a whole week while I was there. I had a specific job as escape coordinator or some shit like that but my attention was divided for the rest of my time there trying to find out who was responsible for that collosal log.
From: John Entered on: June 30, 2003 10:50 PM
Did you ever discover the perpetrator? Was one of the chicks a suspect?
From: Ross Entered on: June 30, 2003 10:58 PM
HAHAHAHHAAHAHAAHA!!!!! I am going to laugh myself to sleep with this one...
From: Swerb Entered on: June 30, 2003 11:01 PM
Poop hall = defacatorium. By the way, great story, Bone. Someone had an extraordinarily stretched asshole. Do you think porn stars who take in the anus all day by monster cocks have unusually wide turd girths?
From: Ross Entered on: June 30, 2003 11:06 PM
I have heard that that is the case, yes. Except I was hearing it of prison inmates.     And Bone, wasn't the original coinage of "You fornicated my process!" when someone kicked over the urination/defecation device?
From: John Entered on: June 30, 2003 11:32 PM
I believe the Bone himself is the one who kicked the can.
From: The Bone Entered on: July 1, 2003 1:54 AM
Yeah, that's were the term came from but I can't remember exactly what prompted it anymore. You're probably right John, except I don't think it was me who kicked the can because I'm very precise.     I never did find the poop perp. People must have thought I was crazy because we were having the living shit beat out of us for 24 hrs straight and all I ever did was ask random guys if they had seen the big turd and were responsible for it.
From: Ross Entered on: July 1, 2003 6:52 AM
Hahahahaha, they probably figured you were delirious from all the beatings.
From: BigFatty Entered on: July 1, 2003 8:36 AM
I like shiterteria. I wondered about the asshole-turd size correlation myself. I´ve gone 20 years without a solid log, so my asshole is as small as a 10 year old boy. This realization came one day when I was visiting a friend´s house and saw a monster log in the toilet. I first attributed it to him, but then the horror overcame me when I supposed it could have come from his wife. I figured a nice anal fucking would be the only way to stretch an asshole to produce such a turd. I had never known my buddy to take it up the ass, so this was my conclusion. It frightened me to even think of having that turd come out of my little bunghole.
From: Ross Entered on: July 1, 2003 8:45 AM
Will: do you EAT shit in the shiterteria? And if your ass is the size of a 10 year old boy, I think you ought to be having some monster logs, dude.     Then again, a vomitorium has nothing to do with vomit, it's simply a foyer - actually I think the root is vomit, as in to "disgorge" people from a building.
From: The Bone Entered on: July 1, 2003 10:50 AM
Jesus Christ, that's funny Ross. Leave it to Fatty to come up with something like shiterteria.
From: The Bone Entered on: July 1, 2003 10:55 AM
I can't believe you haven't had a solid log in 20 yers Fatty. That's one of the joys in life. I don't know how fat turds are produced though. Most of mine seem to be of normal size but every now and then, one of slightly larger diameter will try to slide out and it's like giving birth to a big chocolate baby.
From: Ross Entered on: July 1, 2003 11:09 AM
Fatty, I forgot to mention that the lead guitarist for Pearl Jam, Mike McCready has Crohn's disease. He's done some fundraising or benefit shows for it or something, too. He's probably up on stage sometimes wishing he could do a fart cannon into the microphone.     As for turd diameter, I would think that shit generally being pretty malleable, its girth would be dictated mostly by the size of your hole - but then again that changes, too, right? I mean your asshole is basically closed when you're not shitting. So it has more to do with some kind of involuntary reflex for opening it up. I would think that if you do get stretched in that area frequently, it would add to the size you could "will" it open to. But I'm just speculating here.
From: John Entered on: July 1, 2003 4:26 PM
I've definetly had shits that have pushed the envelope of my sphincter muscles ablity to open. They are the hard fat turds that hurt like a motherfucker. I don't get them often but when I do I can't say that I enjoy it.     I have always found it odd that Bone loves shitting so much. I wonder if his penchant for shit coming out of his ass might be mirrored by a need for a penetration. Just kidding Bone!
From: BigFatty Entered on: July 2, 2003 6:44 PM
I´ve been having solid turds just this past year. They are wonderful!! I think it is from my change in diet - eating much less processed foods.     A shiterteria is a bathroom with many shitters - like at a large movie theater. You have a wide selection of shitters to choose from, much like choosing food cafeteria style.     I heard about that Pearl Jam guy. Did he give new meaning to the song Evenflow?
From: The Bone Entered on: July 2, 2003 7:41 PM
Fatty, here's a concept you should familiarize yourself with:     Defacatorium is to auditorium as shiterteria is to cafeteria.     You see, an auditorium is a place where on listens to performances, a natatorium is a place where one swims, defecatorium is a place where one shits. A cafeteria is a place where one eats, a shiterteria is a place where one eats shit.
From: Ross Entered on: July 2, 2003 8:45 PM
Well said, Bone. Apparently Fatty didn't fare too well on the analogy portion of his SATs. Actually I think to be more specific, a shiterteria would be a place where patrons would serve themselves shit. But yes, presumably it would be consumed at that point.
From: John Entered on: July 2, 2003 10:49 PM
Hahahaha, I love that the patrons in a shiterteria serve themselves shit. It creates a hilarious image in my mind. Who ordered the poo poo platter? Fatty, of course.
From: Ross Entered on: July 3, 2003 6:48 AM
Actually it just dawned on me that had Fatty spelled it "shitterteria," it would be more obviously along the lines of what he was thinking. A Shitterteria could conceivably be a place where people choose shitters for themselves. So he's not totally off base, I guess.
From: BigFatty Entered on: July 3, 2003 7:08 PM
Tony, to quote Johnny here,´ I see your genius has afforded you a strong command of the language´.     Thank you for the vocabulary lession, perhaps you could send me your copy of Hooked on Phonics.     Ross gets the gold star because I was in fact referring to cafeteria as a style of eating. Haven´t you heard of food being served cafeteria stye? I guess buffet style is very similar, but shitterbuffet doesn´t sound as good as shitterteria. (Which was missing a T Ross was so kind to point out). When you arrive in GR, I will be happy to serve you from your verison of a shitterteria. You can have your choice of Monster Turd seasoned with corn, Turd Nuggets, Soup - Diarreha with lettuce (of course), and for dessert - a shit slurpee (with the nozzle cleaned after every use!)
From: John Entered on: July 4, 2003 9:18 AM
I believe that if I know the Bone he'll have them all, just make sure that nozzle is clean.