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Entered on: May 21, 2008 12:00 AM by Swerb

Am I the only one who finds Cate Blanchett in the new Indiana Jones movie to be simultaneously frightening and damn sexy?

PHOTO 291 - 42 Comments
From: Swerb Entered on: May 21, 2008 9:18 PM
Or, as Entertainment Weekly reported, "Asked if Agent Spalko gives off a vaguely dominatrix vibe, producer George Lucas says, 'Not so vaguely,' and bursts out laughing. Could be the kinkiest thing he's helped brainstorm since he put Princess Leia in a gold bikini and chains in Return of the Jedi." Figured I'd at least start the thread on the new Indiana Jones movie... I liked it. It's a lot of fun. Nutty like Temple of Doom, but without the annoying stuff (read: Kate Capshaw). I give it the thumbs!
From: Ross Entered on: May 21, 2008 10:20 PM
Can't wait to see it on Friday!  As long as it isn't a letdown of Phantom Menacian proportions (and it sounds like it isn't), then I'll be relatively happy.
From: Swerb Entered on: May 21, 2008 10:41 PM
Oh, there's a George Lucas influence on it in some respects, but by no means does it ruin the movie. There's too much cool, high-velocity stuff in it.
From: The Bone Entered on: May 21, 2008 10:59 PM
I'll give you the frightening part. Damn sexy? Dubious at best.
From: Ross Entered on: May 22, 2008 7:01 AM
I agree, I was going to say that I don't think I can go for Cate Blanchett's style here.
From: RobotSpider Entered on: May 22, 2008 7:06 AM
I don't see a way to create a new thread, but it looks like most of the topics are fairly stream-of-consciousness anyway. So, like like most people, I always saw people with vanity license plates as self-serving attention whores.  Well, when I got around to renewing my plates (a mere 19 months after they expired; hey, I've been busy... Gears, Oblivion, Crackdown, Halo3...) I decided to do a little something for the whore in me: And since I drive a Saturn wagon, the coolest thing on my car will be the plate... by far. I stopped thinking I would outgrow gaming about 10 years ago. Now I've just embraced it. I figure as long as I can still make my mortgage payments and keep my son from starving, I deserve the chance to get sawn in half while Zi11a cackles madly.
From: Radmobile Entered on: May 22, 2008 8:16 AM
Maybe my opinion will change when I see the movie, but I have a lot easier time buying her as an elven queen then as a Nazi.  She doesn't give off a very "German" vibe to me, but oh well.  I imagine 5 minutes into the film I'll have gotten over this anyway.
From: Swerb Entered on: May 22, 2008 8:51 AM
She's not a Nazi - she's Russian. And I dunno, but there's just something... naughty about her.
From: Swerb Entered on: May 22, 2008 8:55 AM
Spider: left hand side of the home page, scroll down a bit, and you can start a new thread. And I dunno if I can get behind that vanity plate. Next time we hang out, I'll drive...
From: RobotSpider Entered on: May 22, 2008 9:22 AM
Thanks Swerb. However, if you get behind the vanity plate, you're doing it wrong! (local/state license plate requirements may vary, void in Rhode Island, for written transcripts contact Merkel Press...) I definitely have mixed feelings about it.  We'll see.
From: Radmobile Entered on: May 22, 2008 9:23 AM
Ah, Russian I'll have an easier time with for sure.
From: Bunky Entered on: May 22, 2008 10:25 AM
Zilla's vanity plate would say Oprah... The pieces of the Swerb puzzle are starting to fit together. Naughty dominatrix women, the music.... Swerb, when do you get to see Sex and the City?
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 22, 2008 10:39 AM
Don't feel 2 nerdy, Spider, here's the plate on my '93 Saturn:
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 22, 2008 12:34 PM
Hmmmm - based on Spider's and Zilla's similar cars and interests, I think Zilla should switch to:
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 22, 2008 12:35 PM
HAHAHA... I can't stand it.  I am too funny for my own sake.
From: Bunky Entered on: May 22, 2008 12:53 PM
HA HA HA HA!!!
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 22, 2008 1:17 PM
Fatty - It's too bad you don't have your Malibu Barbie Miata anymore! This would've been perfect!
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 22, 2008 1:30 PM
Hey!  I got one for JohnnyBells!
From: Ross Entered on: May 22, 2008 1:43 PM
Sorry Spider, by default, new users only have permission to comment only and not start threads.  I've given you permission now - you might have to log out and back in to get it to kick in, though.
From: Swerb Entered on: May 22, 2008 8:56 PM
Regarding this thread, I want this plate:   Or maybe this one:
From: Swerb Entered on: May 22, 2008 8:58 PM
Bunky: I'm seeing Sex and the City on Tuesday. My contact at the local movie theater says it's really good, and he's even male! I'm still not getting my hopes up, though. I may have watched the whole series when it was on, but it was wearing out its welcome quickly.
From: Bunky Entered on: May 22, 2008 9:03 PM
I am trying to decide if I should take the afternoon off next Friday to see it with some friends or not. I will wait for your report... I like the DIORULZ plate. His voice is way sweeter than Ozzie....
From: Bunky Entered on: May 22, 2008 9:07 PM
This would be Jack's 2nd choice:
From: Swerb Entered on: May 22, 2008 10:09 PM
You know, my old license plate used to have BMF in it, which helped me remember it (which plate is mine? The one that says Bad Mother Fucker!). But they redesigned the plates in what's surely a moneymaking maneuver, and forced me to get a new one that I can never remember. Then again, this one is still available:
From: RobotSpider Entered on: May 23, 2008 6:53 AM
For the XBOX Live fans out there, try not to bring down the Secretary of State's website (DMV for you west-coasters) trying to get this one: It's available and waiting for you!  And Bunky, if you ever decide to move to MI, I'll reserve this one for you: I can't believe that's not on the banned list yet.  Cool.
From: Bunky Entered on: May 23, 2008 9:49 AM
I would have to get a super sweet license plate frame to go with that! The Chocolate Mute one would be fun too.....
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 23, 2008 10:03 AM
Swerb said: What's this?  Rachel Weisz?
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 23, 2008 10:06 AM
I saw Indy with Crockett and Wonder Boy last night... pretty fun!  It was nice to see the ol' fart back. But, for the BIG SUMMER MOVIES:  IRON MAN wins so far for me!
From: Swerb Entered on: May 23, 2008 10:15 PM
Jackzilla said:   But, for the BIG SUMMER MOVIES: IRON MAN wins so far for me!   Jernyberls, Bert and I all agreed on that as well. Good, but the last third of the film is kind of shark-jumpy...
From: Swerb Entered on: May 23, 2008 10:20 PM
By the way, it won't let me do SKDOOSH, so this will have to do: This is in reference to the Kung Fu Panda trailer, in case anybody's wondering...
From: Swerb Entered on: May 23, 2008 10:21 PM
By the way, me like Rachel Weisz mucho.
From: Ross Entered on: May 23, 2008 10:53 PM
Yes, allow me to articlulate my pain points while they're still fresh.  SPOILER ALERT:   Animated/cutesy animals.  In an Indiana Jones movie?  Seriously?  Gophers acting like confused humans?  Monkeys being summoned by Indy Jr - Aquaman style, apparently - whilst swinging on vines like Tarzan?  Also, giant ants that have more-than-pirahana-like powers is a bit over the top. Cate Blanchett was a shitty villain, sorry Swerb.  Not only was she decidedly not hot (those pants made her ass look huge), but I couldn't understand her motivation at all.  Did she even know what she was looking for and want it so badly?  Did we, for that matter?  What was this psychic bullshit she was involved in?  Why did she try to use it on Indy twice to no avail?  Were we supposed to believe that she had powers but they didn't work on him, or that she was full of shit altogether?  Either way, it was so underdeveloped that it made her character truly sucky. Speaking of not understanding what they were after, what exactly was the story with the aliens anyhow?  Normally with the other movies, at least we understood what "the power" of the supernatural artifact was.  With this, it was all very nebulous, and the ending felt very hollow.  I'll buy aliens to a certain extent (they're certainly more plausible than the supernatural Christian and Indian myths of the previous movies), but it just needed more gravitas. Why were the natives chasing them in the pyramid/temple thing?  Maybe I missed it, but it just seemed like "hunt whitey" time for no good reason at all. Maybe I'm nitpicking, but falling off three giant waterfalls in an amphibious vehicle?  By the last one, I was having trouble stomaching it all.  Possibly even more obnoxious was the means by which they came to settle into the river in the first place: Marion smugly decides to drive off a cliff, sure in the knowledge that they would land on a tree branch and it would gently set them in the river below.  Absurd - not that it happend - that's what movies are for, to showcase crazy stunts - but to act like this a sure-fire manuever akin to changing lanes was too much for me to take. Like I said, over-the-top action is pretty much par for the course these days, but I really don't think they did it like this back "in my day."  They did have a really good action sequence at the beginning on the motorcycle, in fact like Swerb said, I really enjoyed the first 2/3 of the movie.  But by the end, it was really stinking up the joint, in my opinion.  As I told Swerb and Bells, I'm not sure they needed to make another one of these - I think three was enough.
From: Swerb Entered on: May 24, 2008 12:02 AM
Ross said:   Cate Blanchett was a shitty villain, sorry Swerb. Not only was she decidedly not hot (those pants made her ass look huge), but I couldn't understand her motivation at all. Did she even know what she was looking for and want it so badly? Did we, for that matter? What was this psychic bullshit she was involved in? Why did she try to use it on Indy twice to no avail? Were we supposed to believe that she had powers but they didn't work on him, or that she was full of shit altogether? Either way, it was so underdeveloped that it made her character truly sucky. But... Russians in B-movies were evil and misguided. Totally one-dimensional. And desperate in their attempt to get a weapon more powerful than the A-bomb. It's the arms race! The psychic stuff, I think, was there to make us think she's merely a wacko. Beyond that, yes, her character is underdeveloped. But no better or worse than the Nazis in "Raiders" who want the Ark for... what? Because Nazis just lusted after and plundered the world's treasures, I guess. I'm more intrigued with her strictly as an entertaining villain on a surface level. Who, as Roger Ebert says with tongue in cheek, "And that Irina, she's something. Her Russian backups are mostly just atmosphere, useful for pointing their rifles at Indy, but she can fight shoot, fence, drive, leap and kick, and keep on all night." I also think the monkeys and the drag race scene (which, as you said, was "all Lucas") are attempts for Spielberg and Lucas to re-live their childhoods. Tarzan was a major figure in old serials... the Howdy Doody reference... many have compared the Mutt character to Marlon Brando... and a friend of mine said scenes were reminiscent of the old Chalrton Heston movie "The Naked Jungle." This stuff is wedged in there for indulgent reasons, methinks, with mixed results for the rest of us. I agree that "over-the-top action is pretty much par for the course these days" but I still think "Live Free or Die Hard" really sucks in comparison to this. Other than that, I can't argue with those criticisms. But I do think the best stuff - the whole first sequence at Area 51, the fight in the diner, the nuclear test site, the motorcycle chase, the swordfighting on the jeeps, the phallic sword/gun Spalko imagery and her smashing the ant between her legs (cracked me up) - pretty much makes up for the sucky stuff.
From: Ross Entered on: May 24, 2008 7:11 AM
Swerb said: The psychic stuff, I think, was there to make us think she's merely a wacko. Beyond that, yes, her character is underdeveloped. But no better or worse than the Nazis in "Raiders" who want the Ark for... what? Because Nazis just lusted after and plundered the world's treasures, I guess. Well, I don't think I can fully agree with this, and it's not so much due to her character as it is due to the story:  in the two movies with Nazis, it was clear what the artifacts were supposed to do, and why the Nazis wanted them: the Ark has the "power of god" in it, as Indy explains to the dipshit government types at the beginning.  It would be used as a weapon of war.  In the third movie, Donovan and the Nazis both want the Holy Grail because it will provide eternal life.  Both of these make mountains more sense than whatever the fuck the crystal skull was supposed to do.  And oh, Belloc had way more style than Spalko.  Overall, I didn't mind the references to the creators' youth, and I did like the whole red scare thing too.  But I have to say that some of those absurdities - plus the muddled plot - makes this the worst of the Indy movies by quite a margin.
From: Bunky Entered on: May 28, 2008 3:38 PM
Swerb- I am waiting for your poetic version of Sex and the City!
From: Swerb Entered on: May 30, 2008 4:05 PM
Bunky said: Swerb- I am waiting for your poetic version of Sex and the City! It's OK. Not exactly essential viewing. It's way too long, and actually incorporates fart and dog-humping jokes... actually, if you consider yourself a diehard fan, then you'll want to see it for yourself regardless. My co-worker (fashion reporter) also reviewed it, and she offers the feminine perspective... which surprisingly isn't that different from mine.
From: Bunky Entered on: May 30, 2008 4:57 PM
I read your review in the GR Press this morning and opted out of a 1:30 pm viewing with my friends because of it. Yes Ross, I DID actually read a review and listen to a critic. Swerb has Sex & the City street credibility! He was a loyal viewer first, critic second! I am holding out for the Hulk! I think I am going to go full geek and do the midnight showing. No Fatty, I will not be dressing up a She-Hulk for the premeire.
From: Swerb Entered on: June 1, 2008 11:59 AM
Wow... an actual living human followed my written recommendation? That never happens. Seriously. That being said, I hope I didn't drop a depth charge on what could have been a fun outing with your friends... truthfully, I'd prefer you see it and let me know if I'm off-base with my criticisms. By the way, Kung Fu Panda, against all odds, is actually a lot of fun! Skadoosh, bitches!
From: Bunky Entered on: June 1, 2008 10:53 PM
Your review didn't make it seem worth blowing off work early for... I rather start my day a little later on the 14th for the Hulk, than leave early for SITC...
From: Ross Entered on: June 23, 2008 1:08 PM
This Indiana Jones 4 "abdriged script" is the funniest thing I've read in a while. Right from the get-go, it starts with some great exposition:   PRODUCER FRANK MARSHALL immediately proves his commitment to using CGI “only when necessary” by featuring completely necessary CGI prairie dogs in the first shot of the movie.
From: Ross Entered on: June 23, 2008 1:14 PM
Also: To illustrate this, SHIA LEBEOUF flies up into the FUCKING JUNGLE and swings like FUCKING TARZAN along the FUCKING VINES with a FUCKING ARMY of CGI FUCKING MONKEYS. That actually FUCKING HAPPENS. LMAO!
From: Swerb Entered on: June 24, 2008 7:11 AM
This reminds me of a Mad Magazine parody, only much funnier. I love this: SHIA LABEOUF Shit, they have guns. What do we do? HARRISON FORD Just wait until the movie gets re-released in a few years and they’ll be replaced with walkie-talkies.