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Jackassery Outage Imminent
Entered on: August 8, 2003 9:29 AM by Ross
Well, as most of you know, I will be moving this weekend to my new home. What this means for you is that Jackassery will probably be out of commission for some length of time starting late this weekend sometime to possibly early in the week next week.  
Let's hope that my new internet provider will be as stable and speedy as the current one has been over the past several months. It shouldn't be a major switch-over, but the main issue is that when a web site's address changes, it takes a few hours (sometimes a couple days) for all the "name servers" (the servers that tell you which computer on the internet goes to) to be updated.  
So if you can't get on everyone's favorite site in a couple days, you'll know why. I expect that it by mid-Tuesday at the very latest, everything will be back up and running at the new abode.

NEWS 92 - 13 Comments
From: Ross Entered on: August 8, 2003 5:28 PM
Those DirecTV guys are simply amazing. I just had the appointment this afternoon to have it hooked up. I've been sweating this for a really long time now, as I was baffled as to how they were going to get it into the living room, which is on the opposite end of the house (which is very long) from where the dish has to go. Also, there is no access to the side walls of the place as buildings on either side are literally inches away.  
But the installer guy was a fucking genius. He didn't come up with the solution right away, as his first option was to drill into the bedroom (room off the deck where the dish went) and then string the cable up and down over two doorways in the bedroom, then thru a wall, finishing with a messy job into the cable/phone junction box in the hallway. Furthermore, the only cable he had was BLACK, which would look heinous on my clean white walls.  
Anyway, he eventually arrived at a solution so fucking perfect, that I still can't believe it: he still drilled into the bedroom, but instead of running the lines (there are 2) to the junction box, he ran them to the two cable jacks on one wall of the bedroom. Then, the rest was a simple matter of wiring. The outputs in the bedroom became inputs, and they were linked up to the lines that ran to the living room. End result? Only about 10 feet of cable strung in the entire house. It is so perfect I can barely believe it.  
The upshot of all of this is that I'll still be able to Tivo Spider-Man tonight, so don't worry Roche. :)
From: John Entered on: August 8, 2003 6:50 PM
SWEET!!! Zilla is out of town, so I have no way to see Spider-Man tonight. Hopefully there will be time this weekend to check out the episodes I missed.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: August 10, 2003 10:44 PM
I tuned in to MTV Friday night in Mackinaw City just in time to see the latest episode starring The Silver Sable. It was sweet! I've only missed one episode so far (last week's). I can't wait to get the Ross Deluxe Set of Spidey on disc!
From: Ross Entered on: August 10, 2003 11:08 PM
If you are reading this, then Jackassery has been ported over to the new headquarters successfully. Much happened on today's move, and not all of it for the better. Regardless, there are many tales to be told, but not right now, I'm going to pass out from exhaustion.
From: Ross Entered on: August 11, 2003 8:53 AM
First pass at retelling the day's activities:  
Originally Fatty, Roche, and Chicaboom were to arrive Saturday afternoon sometime between 12 and 1PM my time. Due to shitty traffic, I think they showed up closer to 3PM. This is made even sweeter by the fact that the Dirty Purple Van had no AC and since it was to haul my couch back on the return trip, it also had no back seats. So that meant that one person was laying on the floor at all times.  
Anyway, after they showed up, we all went out and got some Thai food, and then got to work. That day's activities really only were to include moving my TV set. I had big ideas on how this was to be done - mostly with blankets for padding - and it came off pretty much smoothly. We also hauled my stereo cabinet which I was afraid would get scuffed or broken.  
That night, Heather and I had to go to an engagement party for a friend of mine so we left the GR clan to their own devices for much of the evening. We tried to get them to come out to the bar with us but there would be none of that. The only other noteworthy aspect of the evening was that Fatty and Maria were the first ones to stay in our new house, as my apartment was torn up. Oh, also, Roche got to see the Spider-Man episodes he missed.  
Sunday morning the fun began. Roche, Fatty and I went to go pick up the 15' truck from Budget rental in the morning. I got the truck (after being cut in front of by a fat guy with the IQ of a squirrel) and Roche followed in my car back to my apartment while Fatty rode in style with me in the truck. The truck actually was easy to drive, but that is deceptive, as you will see, my friends.  
We loaded up the shit at my place in probably less than 2 hours, and then hopped down the street to Heather's apartment and loaded the rest. No big deal there except for the fact that some dude and his girlfriend were outside talking to us and none of the guys could even focus on any conversation or loading, because his girlfriend had the body of a goddess. Finally, we managed pull ourselves away and get over to the new house. Roche, Fatty, and I rode in the cab of the truck, and everyone else rode in Heather's father's truck.  
We were planning to load the couches up the front steps of the place, so I pulled up front, and sure enough there was space to park the truck. In fact, there was someone just leaving which would give me even more room, to go in frontways.  
I got close to the parked car that I was going to get in front of, and after passing by it (with only the front of the truck, I realize now), I turned the wheel and start to cut over. Crunch. At this point, it became a rehashing of my famous Gas Station Incident, where I can't really figure out the best way to get off the car. It was a heinous ordeal, my friends. Finally, I just had to get the hell off and did my best, but not before completely trashing the driver's side front quarter panel of someone's car. Also their front bumper was screwed.  
A (semi-retarded) security guard from the parking across the street came over and thought the car belonged to the big highrise across the street due to the tag in the window. After calling people for 10 minutes, he determined that it didn't belong (of course, it actually did, dumbass). Anyway, with no sign of the owner, I left a note with my phone number on the car and continued unloading.  
Shortly after we finished unloading, she called me. She was understandably pissed, as was her boyfriend, but I apologized profusely and after they realized that I wasn't going to dick them over, they became civil quickly. I was about to go file a police report but the girl was smarter and just decided to call my insurance company, and it turned out I didn't need a police report. We spent the next half hour talking to insurance guys and getting all the info. The question now is how much will this cost me? I got insurance on the truck, but I have a feeling that it only covers damage to the truck itself (of which there seemed to be none). So my guess is that my insurance company will handle it and my deductible should cover it, if all goes well. Which it never does. Dammit.  
Anyway, with that squared away for the time being, Heather and her dad and brother took off to pack up some more of her stuff that they were taking with them, and Fatty helped me try to be Mr. Network and crimp an ethernet cable that we strung creatively through the house. We failed at that, but I'm not giving up yet on it. Finally, we were going to head back to my apartment to get the old leather couch loaded in the Rochemobile. First though, we drove over to drop the truck off, then we all piled in the van and headed for my aparmtent.  
Of course, it can't be THAT easy.  
Since I was on the floor of the van, I couldn't navigate for Roche, but the route didn't involve many streets so I just told them and Maria knows the city pretty well so I didn't worry about it. I heard Roche grumble something about oh shit - fuck it, I'm doing it - and a minute later, we were pulled over by the cops. Turns out that the left turn we needed to make is under an overpass with a less-than-obvious left turn lane, so Roche executed the manuever from the straight-thru lane. Of course, the whole intersection has the police station on the corner, so the would be no escape from scrutiny this time. Heather, Fatty, and I were wondering if the cops would take umbrage with our sitting in the back of the van like some migrant workers but the cops just seemed on talking to Roche. They went back to their car, rooted around for a while, and then come back and tell him that since he's from Michigan, which is a non-compliance state or some such bullshit, they couldn't issue the citation then-and-there, and that he had to come to the station in person. Load of crap, if you ask me, we're all pretty certain that they just didn't have their ticket book on them.  
So anyway, Roche follows them back to the station, and goes in with one of the cops. Chicaboom had gone in once to check on him to no avail at some point, as we were sweltering in the heat. Fully *40* minutes later, he emerges, ticket in hand. Damn cops! He got no slack. I got behind the wheel and guided us the rest of the way back to my old place, to get the couch and get the hell out of Dodge.  
Fatty and Roche handled that couch like expert movers and after a crude measure indicated it would be a tight fit. It was tight, but it went in like butter. I believe that Roche got the couch on the way home, but of course the trio encountered another bout of traffic on the way out, just to throw some more salt in the wounds.  
I'm sure Roche and/or Fatty can elaborate on specifics. Me, I don't want to think about my stanky truck situation any more today...
From: BigFatty Entered on: August 11, 2003 11:11 AM
All I have to say about this is - I HATE CHICAGO!
From: Heather Entered on: August 11, 2003 1:16 PM
Although Ross did a great job of rehashing the details of yesterday's move from hell, writing a story about it did no justice as to how shitty the day really went. I don't think the best writer could put enough emphasis to portray the proper mood of the day. Sure everyone is feeling bad for us, but you definitely had to witness it first hand to feel the true shittiness!  
Again, I want to thank Roche, Will, and Maria for driving down here and being a part of such a crazy couple of days! Ross and I appreciate it immensely! We owe you BIG time!  
Will--don't give up on Chicago quite yet! We enjoy having you here. We'll try to make your next trip a success!
From: Swerb Entered on: August 11, 2003 5:43 PM
Ross, cops suck balls. But you already know that. Be thankful you didn't have to file a police report for the fender-bender. I do recall the Gas Station Incident with the Volare Testarossa, and still chuckle at the mention of said vehicle.  
Here's hoping traffic isn't as fuzucked when Stacy and I come to visit on Saturday... but it probably will be.
From: Creeko Entered on: August 12, 2003 4:50 AM
I must tell the truth, the real reason for me leaving the country was to get out of helping friends and family move. It has been a sacrifice but after reading the misadventures of Ross & Co., I feel as though I made the right choice.
From: Ross Entered on: August 12, 2003 7:29 AM
It's not over yet. It's getting worse and worse, in fact. The claims adjustor called me last night, and said he hadn't gotten ahold of Budget yet but he would call me probably today after he does. I asked him what the worst case scenario would be, and he said that it might turn out that no one pays. I doubt Budget's insurance will pay, and my car insurance will only pay if the truck weighs less than 10,000 lbs. I tried to figure out how much the damn things weigh online but I don't know the exact model so it's all a shot in the dark at this point. I don't think I slept more than 1 hour total last night. Fuck.
From: Ross Entered on: August 12, 2003 7:31 AM
On a positive note, Fatty, I did manage to crimp the network cable after about 5 attempts. Two of which failed just on pure stupidity as I put the wires in backwards order. But it turns out that it's easier than we knew, as all you had to do was feed the wires into a tiny plastic holder that has holes for each wire, then feed the holder into the plug. Not too bad at all.
From: John Entered on: August 12, 2003 6:17 PM
Zilla- The Silver Sable episode was farkin' sweet.  
Creeko- You may be on to something when it comes to avoiding having to help friends and family move.  
Swerb- Cops lick ass and taste balls.  
Fatty- I may be converting to your modo. I HATE CHICAGO!!!!  
Bert- I spoke with you today however I would like to reiterate that I hope all the bullshit works out favorably.
From: Ross Entered on: August 15, 2003 9:20 AM
We lost internet access for a few hours this morning, not sure why. Apparently my ISP had no knowledge of any problems but I called Heather from work and she troubleshot (?) the problem and got the system back online for us. Thanks, H-Bomb!

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