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Speaking of process fornication
Entered on: July 12, 2003 12:55 AM by Swerb
I have a story about Comcast, my cable internet provider. I was having a hard time connecting to the net regulary, and when I could connect, it was only for a couple of minutes before it would fuck up again. My friend Brian was having the same problem with his computer(s) when he'd try to use the internet, as well (for those who don't know, Brian occupies the other half of the duplex I live in, so we split the cost of the cable service). I call tech support, jump through their bullshit hoops and finally get them to send a guy out to fix it.  
Well, they scheduled the service call for last Tuesday morning, between 8 and noon. The guy showed up at 11, and was so incompetent, he stayed until 4:45 p.m. (!), and STILL hadn't fixed it. At one point, another Comcast jagoff showed up and told me it was my network card, even though I had told both retards that every computer we've hooked up to the internet line was experiencing the same problem, but they would have none of that. Thing is, the guy who scratched his ass at my house all day seemed competent when it comes to checking the lines and such, but he didn't know what the fuck he was doing while in front of a computer. He tried another modem, couldn't get it to work, and therefore deduced that the problem was in my computer. I was so fucking frazzled, because I had wasted an entire day; thankfully, I was working an evening shift.  
SO, I call tech support back later that night, and politely ask them to send somebody else out, preferably someone who knows what the fuck they're doing. Sure enough, a guy comes out Thursday afternoon, replaces the modem, gets everything working, and leaves in a half-hour. To which I can only add: Jesus Fucking Christ. Included on my list of things to do this weekend is the composition of a letter to Comcast, if only to let them realize how much money they wasted by not training their service dinks properly. What a fiasco.

NEWS 74 - 11 Comments
From: The Bone Entered on: July 12, 2003 6:38 AM
I think you should cut and paste this story and send it to Comcast. If I were in charge, I'd laugh my ass off, fire the two retards, and give you 6 months free.  
I hate incompetent fucksticks. There are some at Dell. About a month ago I order a floppy drive from them. Two days later it arrives but without a fucking faceplate. I call Dell back and inform them of the situation and they tell me the faceplate costs another $5. Jesus Christ, if I went down to CompUSA I could buy the whole deal ready to go. I tell them this and they send it for free. Great I'm thinking, until several days overdue, I find out that the order had mysteriously been cancelled. After screening through 8 fucking message prompts, I get someone else who doesn't have a clue but can transfer me around to someone who does. Sure enough, someone filled out the order sheet wrong and it was cacelled. They fix it and re-order. Great I'm thinking again - and again it's overdue so I call back. Sure enough, the 2nd order was wrong and it was cancelled. The guy now assures me that he is ordering it correctly and I will get it. Today, finally I get it and guess what - it is an entire chasis cover to a completely different model computer than I own. I'm so fucking pissed I have to wait a few days before I'm able to even call those bastards. I'm probably going to chalk this one up to the price of doing business and just go down to CompUSA.
From: Ross Entered on: July 12, 2003 8:32 AM
Hahahahaha, Bone that sucks ass. It's basically everyone's story who's ever had to deal with customer service morons. I really can't wait until computers are smart enough to do this shit for us and we can fire all the incompetent fucks who answer phones and screw up orders.  
Swerb, your story is exactly the same as my foibles in Maryland, except I had your scenario play out for 6 months before it was fixed. The problem is that Comcast has two types of dudes: line dudes and cable modem dudes. Obviously the first one was a line dude. He can do shit with the cabling but has limited exposure to the modems and computers. Likewise, the cable modem guys have no concept of how the signal gets into the house, but in front of a computer they can diagnose shit reasonably well. All that is great, but when you have a problem that doesn't have an obvious cause, you need BOTH types of dudes. I used to beg them to send me both back in the day. Eventually they did and that's when it was deduced that I needed a new line put in, which took longer because that was a major cost to them, so I had to literally harass people to get it done. But I fear that there is no short term solution to this problem - until cable modems are more ubiquitous, you will still have guys trained in one or the other but not both.  
I wish my problem would have been as simple as yours dude, I went through 4 modems - they loved to think all I needed was a new modem!
From: Swerb Entered on: July 12, 2003 11:14 AM
Thing is, the first dumbfuck ADMITTED he didn't have enough training, but still argued vehemently that my network card was screwed, and not the modem. I'm a complete dumbass when it comes to computers, and I knew more than this jackass. I'd dump my Comcast service, but nobody else in town offers cable, just DSL. Grrrr.
From: Ross Entered on: July 15, 2003 8:55 AM
On a related note, I've been agonizing lately over how to get my DirecTV reinstalled at my new place. I had horrible visions playing out of me trying to string 100 feet of cable through multiple rooms, cursing, knocking down walls, etc. Come to find out, they will reinstall your shit for free. You don't even have to take your old dish down - they throw in a new one. I guess these satellite guys value loyality THAT much.
From: Ross Entered on: May 21, 2004 9:15 AM
Well, I am in my own special level of Customer Service Hell right now.  
I have two bills from AT&T Wireless in my possession - one for $150 and one for $250. How can this be, you ask? Further, I don't even have any AT&T Wireless accounts anymore! Well, it's a long and kind of boring story but suffice it to say that they are trying to fuck me in all available holes. Clearly AT LEAST one of those bills is bullshit. After spending the last half hour on the phone with those arsehurls (the two accounts are actually not addressable by the same customer service rep, that's how fucked up these turkeys are), I got the one account and all related fees squashed, EXCEPT for when they send me a bill next month, I will have to call back to get its charges dropped as well. Motherfuckers!  
The other is a matter of my cancelling my legitimate AT&T wireless account. They charged me a $175 "early cancellation fee." - but I wasn't on a plan! I called them a month or so ago about this, and they claimed I WAS on a plan even though I had not been for many months, because when I once called to switch from like $80/mo to $40/mo, they renewed my plan for another year. They claim that I was notified of this and consented. Funny, my memory does not corroborate this. So I wanted to dispute it, and they told me to mail my bill back with a letter stating my case, and write BILLING DISPUTE on the envelope. "Someone will get back to you sooner rather than later." Take a guess as to the truth of that.  
Though now that I think about it, I could have been sending that shit to the WRONG account for all I know - I was probably getting two bills and confusing the two. Fucking assholes!!!! What a load of shit. I fucking hate these monolithic companies that couldn't even SPELL customer service let alone make a passable attempt at providing it. So as it stands, I have a still unresolved $250 bill that they will not see payment of unless they fucking kill me and assume my identity.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 21, 2004 9:30 AM
That reminds me, I'm due for another $50 check from AT&T to bribe me to switch over. After collecting said bribe, I will then switch right back to Sprint. I've done this a couple times. Ass clowns!  
(Actually, it's been a couple years now. I wonder if they still send these bribe-checks out? Has anyone else ever gotten these, or are they just sent to businesses?)
From: Ross Entered on: May 21, 2004 9:59 AM
I used to get bribe checks for renewing my contract with AT&T. I never did it though. Except they apparently did it with my consent anyway. FARKING CARKSARKERS!!!!
From: Swerb Entered on: May 21, 2004 4:35 PM
Well, Ross, I'm afraid the fine print on every cell phone contract with any provider says as soon as you change your plan, it starts a new year-long service contract. It's probably on one of your monthly statements in a font that can only be read with an electron microscope. I've heard that horror story many times now. But you still don't deserve such shite customer service. Besides, this is the 21st century, and you still have to write a letter? What? Like it's not going to end up in a vat of nine zillion other "billing dispute" letters waiting to be read?
From: Ross Entered on: May 21, 2004 4:59 PM
The thing is, they should (and apparently do) have to TELL you they're going to change it - I just don't recall any such thing happening, or I never would have agreed. Besides, my friend Hirsch did it without renewing, but he said he had to pay a small fee in order to do it.
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 22, 2004 9:34 AM
Swerb is right. They all have that clause in the contracts. It keeps people from jumping back and forth between companies until they recoup their cash from your 'free' cell phone. BUT they do have to tell you this when you change contacts. I was told each time I did with Verizon. Which, I'd like to add, waived the early termination corking fee. I just had to prove I was leaving the country, and not switching to ATT wireless :)  
On my own customer service hell...... 2 years ago, I bought one of those long distance manager phones. It was supposed to give me cheap LD rates. All it did was have a button that dialed the 10-10-220 for me and had another company sent me a bill (for a slight fee). After I figured all this out, and found I could go through the parent company direct for cheaper, the fun started. It was completely my fault. I sent in a double payment by mistake. (I paid a bill early and forgot I did and sent in another payment). No, big deal. Normally they send you a check after a month or two. Well, no. I stopped my account there and switched to the parent company. Every 2-3 months I call the first company and spend 30-45 minutes on hold/ explaining the situation to the rep. in the call center, which I now realize is in India. After they understand and 'fix it', I am told to wait 2-3 billing cycles. The amount is only 52 bucks. But the fact is they screrwed me with a previous credit AND each month I get a statement in the mail rubbing my nose in the fact that I have a 52 buck credit I cannot get. It pisses me off. Its going on 2 years............
From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 22, 2004 9:43 AM
I guess I understand how AT&T can afford to send me those bribe checks after listening to all y'all's stories: You've been feeding the Beast!

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