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From: Jackzilla Entered on: February 27, 2009 10:44 AM
Tuesday 9:15 AM - I have Anna on my lap and I'm doing her hair.  I move her from one knee to the other and it hits me -- A sharp pain in my back, which instantly makes me weak, and I'm down on all fours.  The best way I can describe it is like a charlie horse -- my lower back muscles tighten and quiver.  I want to lay flat on my back but even this takes some time, fighting through the pain.  Now, I've had lower back pains the last few years off and on.  I've even had this feeling less intensly that disappeared after 30 seconds or so, but never this intense.  I lay there for 15 minutes.  I'm fine if I stay still, but as soon as I try to use my back muscle for anything -- the intense pain returns and takes a bit to clear up.  Anna thinks I'm playing and gets on her back too. I can't overstate the pain.  It swells over my whole body and makes me tighten up.  Now, I know I want to relax to make it go away, but you can't help but react by tightening up.  I find myself breathing like a woman in labor.  "Relax and it will go away..." I finally crawl my way to the phone and call Angie.  I can't reach her because she's in a meeting.  This is absolutely obsurd.  I'm frakin' crippled here! Waiting for Angie to call me back I manage to roll onto my side, and I use the laptop computer to google "back pains".  Turns out after the common cold back pains are the next most common reason people stay home from work.  Studying some more, it seems there's any number of things that could cause what I have -- the back works in mysterious ways it seems.  Great. 45 minutes and Angie finally calls.  She's on her way home.  Waiting on my back, watching Anna play with her toys, it starts to settle in that this isn't going away soon.  I'm going to have to go see the doctor.  How!?  I can't even sit up without intense pain!  It's unbearable!  I don't want to even move for fear of bringing it on! When Angie gets home we decide to call an ambulence.  They're crafty, and get me on a gurney with minimal pain.  We're off to Blodget hospital. While at Blodget I get all sorts of shots, get put on IV... go loopy and sleep most of the day. I ended up staying there two nights.  They did X-rays on me but found nothing wrong.  In fact, I'm told it's rather unusual to see someone here who seems perfectly healthy in every other way.  I never did get a clear explanation of what happened to me.  I pulled a muscle, really?  That's it?  I had a physical therapist show me how to roll out of bed without using my back muscles too much.  I also get some excercises to do.  The doctors put me on pain meds, muscle relaxants and steroids. Now I'm home and can walk around and even use stairs.  Bending over is hard, and I can't lift anything of much weight.  I'm going to take the rest of the week off in hopes of returning to work on Monday.  We'll see how it goes.  I have a few more steroid pills to go through so hopefully I'll heal right up and look like A-Rod or Mark McGwire when I'm done. Time to catch up on some movies and comic books I guess...
From: Ross Entered on: February 27, 2009 10:51 AM
Time to hit the squats! Seriously, though: wow.  Glad you're ambulatory now at least.  I saw some things on Facebook about you being asleep, then in the hospital, and I was like "WHAT?" but didn't get the scoop until last night.  Someone was telling me once (bullshit or not, I don't know) that muscles, especially those in the back, are sometimes kind of like coathangers, where you can bend them back and forth for a long time, unaware of them being weaker, until one minor movement can finally just make it snap and it just seems crazy because you hardly moved!
From: Jackzilla Entered on: February 27, 2009 10:55 AM
Some other notes: The Hospital TV - One button turned it on, and changed the channels.  I felt like this was some kind of psychological test from The Dharma Initiative or something.  "Oops!  I just missed channel 3!  Now I have to cycle through all 50+ channels to get to it again!" Peing in a mug - Have you tried this?  First of all, it's hard to even tell if you have to pee when you're flat on your back all day.  Then, I have to maneuver my sickly business into a mug and pee?  This is not a natural act.  I kept feeling like I was peeing on myself. The Hospital Gown - Could they possibly make me feel less human?  I can't even lift a leg without my sister-in-law getting a "nut shot".  Great.  And after a day without a shower it's starting to smell like ass down there. Bowel Movement - Fortunately I didn't have one while at the hospital.  I have no idea how that would have went down since I could hardly even roll to my side without intense pain, little less squeeze out a loaf. This week's LOST - holy shit!  This show is sweet!
From: Jackzilla Entered on: February 27, 2009 10:58 AM
Ross said: Time to hit the squats! Seriously, though: wow.  Glad you're ambulatory now at least.  I saw some things on Facebook about you being asleep, then in the hospital, and I was like "WHAT?" but didn't get the scoop until last night.  Someone was telling me once (bullshit or not, I don't know) that muscles, especially those in the back, are sometimes kind of like coathangers, where you can bend them back and forth for a long time, unaware of them being weaker, until one minor movement can finally just make it snap and it just seems crazy because you hardly moved! That's what it was like!  It was very minimal movement that brought this on.  I'm doing much more physical things in the gym with no trouble.  In fact, I've been doing squats, crunches and back stretches in the hopes of strengthening my core and lessening back problems, so go figure.
From: BigFatty Entered on: February 27, 2009 12:36 PM
The reason behind your back problem?  You are a broken old man ;)  Here I am in my thirties still.  LOVIN IT!
From: Ross Entered on: February 27, 2009 1:09 PM
One area where I share your experience, Jack: LOST is off the hook!  This week's episode was so good I could barely believe it.
From: NickNick Entered on: February 27, 2009 1:37 PM
Damn dude.  I'm glad things are coming back around.  Be glad you were in your clothes when this happened.  My neighbor down the street, her husband was in bed sleeping and awoke to the excruciating pain.  He sleeps in the nude.  Firemen had to come downstairs and bring him up the stairs before they could get him on a gurney and under sheets.  It was nice that Anna was able to entertain herself.  Wouldn't it have been great if she had taken that moment to start exploring all the drawers in the kitchen.
From: BigFatty Entered on: February 27, 2009 5:54 PM
I'm all up in the good-time TV shows....  Lost is back on top, rolling into the last season of The Shield, plus hooked on season 3 of The Wire.  Sprinkle in some 30 Rocks, The Office, and some Daily Shows and you got one happy, couch-sittin motherfucker.
From: The Bone Entered on: February 27, 2009 9:43 PM
I'm an expert in this area. When I was maybe 31, I was doing a boxing drill where we bob and weave under a suspended line, and on one of the bobs my back gave the fuck out and the pain was exactly as you described. I managed to get back to my house where I laid on the floor until bedtime. The next day, I crawled down to the hot tub thinking it would do me some good. Nope. When I got out I immediately collapsed and lay on the concrete for 15 mins before I could get up. Ever since then, it has never cleared up. The doctors are vague on it as well. The best I get is that it's a nerve that gets pinched when the muscle flairs up. It feels way worse than it sounds. If I squat, it's guaranteed to fuck me up. I take really good care of what I do because if it flairs up, I can't tie my shoes for days. But seriously? Going to the hospital in an ambulance is fucking weak. I'd rather die on my carpet with dignity.
From: RobotSpider Entered on: March 2, 2009 7:58 AM
The Bone said: But seriously? Going to the hospital in an ambulance is fucking weak. I'd rather die on my carpet with dignity. You might die with dignity, but it dies with you.  The first person to find you on your floor isn't going to see a real man who died with 'dignity'.  They're going to find a bloated corpse they think used to be a male (but will have to wait for the autopsy), and smells like someone pooped on a pork tenderloin and baked it at room-temperature for six weeks, basting it in urine.  Dying with dignity; ur doin' it rong!
From: Bunky Entered on: March 2, 2009 10:49 AM
Good thing Bone lives in Hawaii where he can just throw on a pair of flip flops year-round when he can't tie his shoes!
From: The Bone Entered on: March 3, 2009 12:25 AM
RobotSpider said: The Bone said: But seriously? Going to the hospital in an ambulance is fucking weak. I'd rather die on my carpet with dignity. You might die with dignity, but it dies with you.  The first person to find you on your floor isn't going to see a real man who died with 'dignity'.  They're going to find a bloated corpse they think used to be a male (but will have to wait for the autopsy), and smells like someone pooped on a pork tenderloin and baked it at room-temperature for six weeks, basting it in urine.  Dying with dignity; ur doin' it rong! That's fine if it dies with me, I won't be around to suffer the rot. The alternative is living a life as poosay. I'm not as comfortable with the notion as you are. At any rate, the corpse will burn spectacularly when they light it ablaze on the viking ship that they send me out on. Now that's going out in style.
From: Ross Entered on: March 3, 2009 7:29 AM
Ah, Bone... always fanning the flames...
From: The Bone Entered on: March 3, 2009 9:10 AM
That's right asshole
From: NickNick Entered on: March 3, 2009 10:08 AM
Holy shit.  If you lose your dignity for going to doctor because of incapacitating back pains, then what the hell do you lose if you go because of a cold?!?  Or perhaps, what if you've had a colonoscopy?
From: Swerb Entered on: March 4, 2009 1:05 AM
Bone, modern medicine is nothing to fear. It exists to help us, not emasculate us. Laying on the floor incapacitated but not willing to call for help because you're afraid to be labeled a "poosay" is a level of inordinate stubbornness nearly comparable to Christian science, if you ask me...
From: Jackzilla Entered on: March 4, 2009 9:29 AM
Swerb said: Bone, modern medicine is nothing to fear. It exists to help us, not emasculate us. Laying on the floor incapacitated but not willing to call for help because you're afraid to be labeled a "poosay" is a level of inordinate stubbornness nearly comparable to Christian science, if you ask me... HA HA HA HA *ack!*  "My back!"
From: The Bone Entered on: March 4, 2009 11:20 PM
Ha ha. well said.
From: The Bone Entered on: March 4, 2009 11:21 PM
I still maintain the modern medicine is mostly quackery on high engineered to squeeze some dollars out of poosays.
From: Swerb Entered on: March 4, 2009 11:47 PM
Conspiracy theorist. Although, considering the expensive (for the insurance company, at least) and at best vaguely helpful hoop-jumping - shots, medications, testing - I've gone through for my allergy issues, I might agree with that sentiment. But you might not say that if you need a liver transplant...
From: The Bone Entered on: March 5, 2009 2:17 AM
That's because of my instict for self preservation. It doesn't marry up with nature's intent however.
From: Ross Entered on: March 5, 2009 3:30 AM
That's a good point, Swerb.  It's easy to get disillusioned by our health care system, but what people need to remember is that the health care system is distinct from the "medical system" if you will - the way in which medicine is developed and tested, which is by and large a scientific process.  I am right there along with anyone who is turned off by the excessive cost and bureaucracy of the insurance process, but while definitely not perfect, medicine is an evidence-based process and things like vaccines and modern surgical techniques are shining examples of what science can accomplish (unlike what nutjobs like Jenny McCarthy would like us to believe).
From: RobotSpider Entered on: March 5, 2009 8:41 AM
Well said, Ross.  It reminds me of the people who argue that vaccinations are unnecessary for children.  Does Thimerosal cause autism?  No.  If there were even a small statistical chance, I would have thought twice about my son's vaccinations.  But there's not.  And Thimerosal isn't used much any more anyway.  Autism manifests around the same time vaccinations are given to children because it's a developmental condition; a developmental retardation (the official meaning of 'retardation', not the socially applied stigma-linked meaning)--a slowing or regression of the developmental process.  Correlation doesn't prove causation.  If you think it's not needed any more, look at some of the developing countries who have stopped giving them--they are seeing resurgence in polio, measles, etc.  We take it all for granted because it works really well.  Now, the way we pay for it needs to be handled better, but that is another issue entirely.
From: Ross Entered on: March 5, 2009 9:36 AM
I totally agree, Spider.  In fact, on one of my favorite podcasts recently they were talking about Thimerosal, and how the debate over its implication in autism is an example of the "moving the goalposts" logical fallacy.  They removed Thimerosal in 2001 or so from almost all vaccines, and the conspiracy nuts then predicted that autism diagnosis rates would then start to drop off by 2004.  Of course they didn't (in fact they continued to rise slightly, probably due to expanding diagnostic criteria), so they said, okay, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, and now they're saying finally this year it will happen.  Guess what?  There is no causal link between vaccines and autism, people! And you're right, you are a fucker if you don't vaccinate your kids, at least for the big stuff.  No vaccines are 100% effective so there is a certain level of "herd immunity" that a population needs to acheive in order to keep any disease from spreading, since even a vaccinated person can potentially still get the disease.  It's really ironic that at a time when information is more widely available than ever before, and obviously science is continuing to advance apace, misinformation also flourishes, and it's possible that simply by screaming loudly enough will influence vast swaths of the population and infuse truly harmful ideas.  This is also how creationism and intelligent design still haven't died off, by the way.  In the marketplace of ideas, they are completely bankrupt, but their proponents just keep poking in and doing anything they can to confuse people.
From: Swerb Entered on: March 5, 2009 4:13 PM
The one thing that bugs me about Bill Maher is that he believes medicine is "poison," unnatural stuff we put in our bodies to influence our body chemistry. I think the underlying issue of his dopey assertions has nothing to do with the actual medicine, but how doctors tend to throw pills at a problem to stave it off...
From: Ross Entered on: March 5, 2009 9:27 PM
Yes, Bill Maher is a complete nutball when it comes to health issues.  I've noted it before.  It makes it hard for me to like him as a result.