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NEWS 534 - 34 Comments
From: BigFatty Entered on: June 15, 2008 10:22 AM
Thats right bitches!  I am a father cuz I am a motherfucker!
From: Bunky Entered on: June 15, 2008 4:14 PM
Ross, speaking of Mother F'ers, is there anyway you could add a ticker to the front page that could count down the days until Zilla's 40th birthday?
From: The Bone Entered on: June 15, 2008 5:32 PM
Happy father's day you uncle fuckers! Shark story time. I was stand up paddle surfing with a couple of friends the other day. The water was glassy and clean with about 8 ft waves. We were surfing our brains out and I was ready to go in. As I was waiting for my last wave, I saw something big and brown swimming from left to right about 15 ft in front of me. My first though was a turtle because you I see so many in the ocean. Then I realized it was much bigger and longer and was gliding fairly smoothly through the water. My next thought was Hawaiian Monk Seal because I saw a big one the other day. As I watched more closely it turned out to be a shark. It wasn't too big - about 8 ft, so I wasn't quite shitting myself. However, it turned and made a beeline straight for me. I was like, "fuck! this fuckers going to attack me?" So I decided to turn towards it and make my own charge directly at it to trick it into thinking it was prey and not me. Right about that time a wave started to jack up so I thought, "fuck it, I'm out" and I spun around and caught the wave - the whole time thinking, "please don't fall". I surfed passed my friend who saw the whole thing and later told me the shark was in the wave about a foot from my board when I made the drop down the face. Crazy.
From: Bunky Entered on: June 15, 2008 5:42 PM
Bone, that is some crazy shit! I would have freaked and surely been eaten! What beach was this at? I am not in the mood to frolick with sharks while in Hawaii....
From: jeurge Entered on: June 15, 2008 6:58 PM
Sounds like you were thinking of going "Lara Croft" on that shark. Was the plan to see if sharks really do roar when you punch them in the face?
From: Swerb Entered on: June 15, 2008 10:03 PM
Jesus frackin' Christ, Bone, that story scares the shit out of me and I'm 5,000 miles removed from it! Seriously, though, does a shark ever think "it was prey and not me"? Isn't it pretty much the top of the food chain out there? Unless it thought you were a bigger shark...
From: Bunky Entered on: June 16, 2008 12:25 AM
Thank you Swerb! Bone, I wish you would have told that story after I got back from Hawaii and not the day before I left. Now I am going to be paranoid when I am snorkeling. I lack the balls necessary to fight off a shark. Sharks and snakes are two things I would rather avoid in life...
From: The Bone Entered on: June 16, 2008 12:39 AM
I heard once from some Hawaiian that if you try to swim away from the shark you are doing what prey does and it'll go after you. If you swim towards it and eyeball the fucker, it's not sure wtf you are and will hesitate to attack because it's dumb ass instinct tell it you may be something that could fuck it up. So that's what I try to do in these types of situations. Don't worry Bunky, there's no sharks in my bed. Just the full treatment.
From: Bunky Entered on: June 16, 2008 1:30 AM
I don't care what anyone says, if I saw a shark up close, I would completely freak out. It is nice to know, however, there is a safe, shark free place if I get scared in the water..... Any recomendations for dinner in Waikiki?
From: The Bone Entered on: June 16, 2008 1:45 AM
Michele's at the Colony Surf. Good stuff. Shall I make reservations for two?
From: Bunky Entered on: June 16, 2008 8:40 AM
Do you have to wear a shirt?
From: Creeko Entered on: June 16, 2008 11:40 AM
The Bone said:   Don't worry Bunky, there's no sharks in my bed... No, but you might find a snake!
From: BigFatty Entered on: June 16, 2008 1:10 PM
The Bone said: I heard once from some Hawaiian that if you try to swim away from the shark you are doing what prey does and it'll go after you. If you swim towards it and eyeball the fucker, it's not sure wtf you are and will hesitate to attack because it's dumb ass instinct tell it you may be something that could fuck it up. So that's what I try to do in these types of situations.   Plus, Bone surfs with brown-colored shorts so sharks don't see him shitting himself.
From: Bunky Entered on: June 16, 2008 2:14 PM
Creeko, this could be bad for two reasons. One, snakes are one of the few things that I am wary of, and two, I have read that snakes are a threat to species on the islands and you should kill one if you run into it. On a random note, United Airlines sucks ass. The have f'd up my last 3 flights to Hawaii.
From: Heather Entered on: June 16, 2008 7:39 PM
Creeko said: The Bone said: Don't worry Bunky, there's no sharks in my bed... No, but you might find a snake! I just saw this after reading Creeko's response and couldn't resist.
From: Monkey T Entered on: June 16, 2008 7:49 PM
So I am a long time listener, but first time caller and what i've noticed is you guys are a little bit perverted.  Is this an ongoing thing or have I just read the wrong entries?
From: Monkey T Entered on: June 16, 2008 7:50 PM
Or should I say the right entries.......
From: The Bone Entered on: June 16, 2008 9:34 PM
Bunky, you going to be with the fam? That might put a damper on festivities.
From: Bunky Entered on: June 16, 2008 10:51 PM
Yeah. Since it is my husband's birthday tomorrow, I thought it was best to bring him. I am sure with a little benadryl, he will fall asleep early!
From: The Bone Entered on: June 17, 2008 12:08 AM
Now your talking
From: Bunky Entered on: June 17, 2008 1:03 AM
He's sleeping now Bone... Jack, it is raining out tonight so the Rookies shirt cannot be photgraphed at any landmarks...Due to recent questionable activity by a certain MF'er, it can only be worn in a dry climate.
From: NickNick Entered on: June 17, 2008 7:26 AM
So, I take it the wet t-shirt contest is a no go then?
From: Bunky Entered on: June 17, 2008 11:09 AM
Monkey likes to wear my shirt. I can ask him....
From: Bunky Entered on: June 17, 2008 11:11 AM
Fatty, do you need any updated photos for your money clip while I am here?
From: John Entered on: June 21, 2008 9:04 AM
Bone, had it been a great white shark would you still swim towards it and punch it in the  nose?
From: Creeko Entered on: June 23, 2008 6:01 PM
Aparently punching a shark is the recommended tactic if ever being atacked by one.
From: Bunky Entered on: June 23, 2008 10:54 PM
Is that a euphemism Creeko? Do you tickle the fins when "punching the shark"?
From: The Bone Entered on: June 24, 2008 9:40 AM
John said: Bone, had it been a great white shark would you still swim towards it and punch it in the nose? I'd swim slowly towards it if it were coming directly at me. Great Whites don't like to attack you if you maintain eye contact.
From: John Entered on: June 24, 2008 10:43 AM
Your fear of sharks seems to have waned over the years, Bone.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: June 24, 2008 11:06 AM
The Bone said: John said: Bone, had it been a great white shark would you still swim towards it and punch it in the nose? I'd swim slowly towards it if it were coming directly at me. Great Whites don't like to attack you if you maintain eye contact. If I ever find myself in a situation where information like this becomes useful:  I've clearly fucked up.
From: NickNick Entered on: June 24, 2008 11:59 AM
John said: Bone, had it been a great white shark would you still swim towards it and punch it in the  nose? I think this technique works for fending off assholes as well.
From: Swerb Entered on: June 24, 2008 7:37 PM
Jackzilla said: The Bone said: John said: Bone, had it been a great white shark would you still swim towards it and punch it in the nose? I'd swim slowly towards it if it were coming directly at me. Great Whites don't like to attack you if you maintain eye contact. If I ever find myself in a situation where information like this becomes useful: I've clearly fucked up. Hahahahahahah!!!
From: The Bone Entered on: June 24, 2008 9:36 PM
I just read a story about a 70s era big wave surfer who was diving for black coral off Maui and came up a half mile from his boat. The current picked up and he was swept out to sea. He ended up swimming 13 miles to Molokai, all the while punching and screaming at the sharks that were surrounding him. Clearly he fucked up.
From: The Bone Entered on: June 24, 2008 9:42 PM
John said: Your fear of sharks seems to have waned over the years, Bone. Don't get me wrong, I'd still be scared shitless but it wouldn't paralyze me and prevent me from acting appropriately.