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NEWS 492 - 34 Comments
From: BigFatty Entered on: January 21, 2008 5:38 PM
Dude... where is the description of your books?  How can they expect cover art to be enough to get people interested?  Its a terrible way to sell things (no fault of your own I hope!) Plus, in your third edition, I'd recommend adding a wise cracking little bug.  Oliphant has a little Penguin called Punk.  TOTALLY DIFFERENT! Penguins became old school with 'March of the Penguins' and 'Happy Feet'.  You would be forging new ground!  Bugs are in!
From: Bunky Entered on: January 21, 2008 7:51 PM
Nick Nick, since today JA's are fortunate enough to see the return of JohnnyBells and his wit and humor, maybe you could practice your holiday link posting again ( since you missed MLK day). Try something like this: Welcome Back JohnnyBells you MF'er (spell it out or Fatty will get you). I think the return of Bells would be a Jackasserian Holiday of some sorts.
From: The Bone Entered on: January 21, 2008 8:12 PM
I have to say that I'm a proud owner of Harijan #1. Unfortunatly I'm ashamed to say I haven't read it yet.  I'm saving it for a stormy night and a bottle of 2000 Chateau Margaux. Without having read it yet, I offer this constructive criticism. It needs more of the following: Vampires, Ninjas or Ninja like assassins, zombies (the fast running kind like 28 days later), gladiators, and Samurais. Oh and sweet dudes like Golgo 13 with some big sideburns.
From: The Bone Entered on: January 21, 2008 8:14 PM
By the way Ross - can you make it so when you scroll over my avatar it switches over to pic of Golgo 13? No rush but it would be sweet.
From: Bunky Entered on: January 21, 2008 8:18 PM
You're a wine man Bone? If so, I am afraid by your choice you would be an expensive date!
From: BigFatty Entered on: January 22, 2008 2:30 AM
I was curious to what this Golgo 13 dude looked like.  The name was recognizable.. but just could not place it.  After a quick Goregle, I soon found out that the Bone and Golgo 13 are very similar.  If Bells can give me a witness here, this is what you get when you go visit the Bone: For years, each time I went to visit the Bone, I found he likes to spend his leisure hours at home, in his drawers - houseguest be damned!  Johnny has related similar accounts.  I found this picture and it reminded me of a visit to the Bone during his Tighty-whitey phase.
From: The Bone Entered on: January 22, 2008 9:23 AM
Fatty - you were curious and didn't click on the link in my post? Instead you went looking for a dude in underscrackers? Typical. But yes, I do lounge in my drawers. I'm in the boxer phase now however. Bunky - don't worry sweethart, drinks are on me.
From: Ross Entered on: January 22, 2008 9:42 AM
Dude, what is it with you and Golgo 13?  Are you growing out the mutton chops? Wasn't that the game we were playing at your house way back in the hood when I stunk up your room with my nasty foot odor?  This was back in the days when I wore my high-tops with no socks.  I remember your mom not wanting to let my stanky ass back in the house, with good reason...
From: Bunky Entered on: January 22, 2008 10:40 AM
Was this an old nintendo game? Bone, the best wine I could offer you at my house right now is a 1996 Opus One. A great wine, but by no means a Chateau... What the hell Bells? You have internet and haven't posted yet? We need some Bellisms... Will you be making a showing on XBOX Live soon? We make a sweet team!
From: Ross Entered on: January 22, 2008 11:07 AM
Yes, it was an old NES game.  Apparently between this game on one end of his bedroom, and with Emily Karl's bedroom window near the other, we can get a glimpse into the psyche of the Bone and understand how these events have shaped him into the man he is today.
From: BigFatty Entered on: January 22, 2008 11:02 AM
I didn't even catch your link.  Google Images pops up with Underwear Tony on the first page of a Golgo 13 search.  I was cracking up.  It was instantly apparent on where some of your habits come from.  I just want Johnny to see it too - he will crack up!
From: Ross Entered on: January 22, 2008 11:20 AM
By the way, I just went back and re-read page from the link I posted above on Emily's name, and  I'm having to bite my lip to keep from screeching with laughter here at work.  Now that is a classic conversation that can only happen when Johnnybells brings it!
From: The Bone Entered on: January 22, 2008 10:03 PM
Bert - that was a great thread. A Jackassery Classic. The craziest thing about that thread for me is that I was 29 yrs old when it was started. Now I'm an old ass man. Bunky - One time, I came home drunk as hell with some redneck skank and drank a bottle of Opus One while she did a dance. Before long I realized I had wasted a good bottle of wine and was so disgusted, I made the girl put her clothes back on and leave. After she was done yelling at me and was gone, I drank the rest of the Opus One. It was quite good. So Bert - do I get the sweet Golgo 13 face? Not the underwear one. Man, I'm going to email Emily as soon as I'm done with this post.
From: Ross Entered on: January 22, 2008 10:06 PM
If you find me a good Golgo face, I'll put it in when I get some time.
From: The Bone Entered on: January 22, 2008 10:24 PM
Will this one work?
From: Bunky Entered on: January 23, 2008 12:30 AM
Thanks for posting the Emily link Ross! I laughed my ass off! Thanks Bone. I will not be able to enjoy my last bottle of Opus now without thinking of you getting potentially getting stank on your crank from a redneck skank....
From: Jackzilla Entered on: January 23, 2008 8:26 AM
No one needs redneck skank stank crank!
From: Radmobile Entered on: January 23, 2008 8:35 AM
I think we could market this to Dr. Suess.
From: John Entered on: January 23, 2008 8:38 AM
That thread was hilarious, I  had forgoten my porn writing abilties were quite fomidable.
From: Swerb Entered on: January 23, 2008 4:33 PM
Bunky said: Thanks Bone. I will not be able to enjoy my last bottle of Opus now without thinking of you getting potentially getting stank on your crank from a redneck skank.... Ha ha hah!!!!
From: BigFatty Entered on: January 23, 2008 4:46 PM
Hmmm.... I would think that the sweet, muskiness from her underwear would blend well with the subtle oakiness with fruity undertones.  Or was your skank corked and you got the yeasty, fishy odor???  Those skank vintages can be tempermental.
From: Ross Entered on: January 23, 2008 6:25 PM
The Bone said: So Bert - do I get the sweet Golgo 13 face? Not the underwear one.   I put a rollover on the main page along with the others for you.  Thank Fatty for supplying the artwork.
From: BigFatty Entered on: January 23, 2008 6:53 PM
Well Done!  It turned out better than I thought.  Golgo Bone is ready for sexy times!  Sorry I didn't use the gun picture Bone, I needed a clean headshot for it to look good.  I found an old school comic pic of his, you should like it.
From: Ross Entered on: January 23, 2008 6:58 PM
If you notice, of course, it randomly selects which picture to use when you mouse over the Bone picture...
From: Ross Entered on: January 23, 2008 7:01 PM
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From: Ross Entered on: January 23, 2008 7:04 PM
The above was typed by Logan during this session: I decided to post it to show that even a 5-month-old can sometimes formulate more coherent thoughts than some graduate term papers.  I won't mention any names...
From: The Bone Entered on: January 23, 2008 9:24 PM
The Golgo 13 pic is perfect. The Borat I could live without. Way to go Bert Jr.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: January 24, 2008 8:35 AM
Hey!  I want a cool switch over graphic on my avatar!  Check your mailbox, Bert!
From: Ross Entered on: January 24, 2008 9:28 AM
Now since when have I put in what people actually wanted?   At best, you get Bone's half-sweet-half-turdy rollovers.  I'll have to find a way to stankify things for you...
From: Jackzilla Entered on: January 24, 2008 10:10 AM
Bell's should be a crank.
From: Bunky Entered on: January 24, 2008 10:21 AM
Bells could email Ross one of his camera phone photos....
From: Ross Entered on: January 24, 2008 10:43 AM
I know we've failed at doing so in the past, but I'd like to keep Jackassery as crank-free as possible, please...
From: Ross Entered on: January 24, 2008 6:26 PM
Zilla, you avatar(s) have been updated.  Thank Fatty for the alternate one.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: January 24, 2008 6:50 PM
FUCK THE FATS! Thanks Bert!