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NEWS 4 - 14 Comments
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I just noticed that the Master Crapper himself has congratulated John (and I) on the story. This be high praise, people! He has written all of the best stories on the whole site and has unequalled fecal literary prowess!
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Oh. My. God.
I just got an email (sent to John, but as he's not online yet, it goes to me) from a real piece of work. It's in response to the story on PoopReport. I don't know whether to take this guy seriously or not (probably not), but I'm including the full text of the message here. Judge for yourselves:
---------- Original Message ----------
Hi there,
I read your story on PoopReport.com. I cannot believe
that I'm about to say this, but here we go. I am an
otherwise completely "normal" person. However, I
happen to get off on crapping in my pants. Now, I do
it maybe 3 times per year tops--its difficult to find
a safe environment, but it is an incredibly free and
sexy experience.
the first time it happened was about 15 years ago. i
was taking out the garbage and waas hit with a sudden
wave. I could barely hold it by the time I got to the bathroom. In fact the log was already coming out but hadn't yet hit my underwear. I decided to just do it in my underwear and then dump it in the toilet. What i wasn't prepared for was the hard on that I got while doing it. So, I finished off the experience by jacking off with a load of shit in my underpants crammed up against my ass. The cleanup was no fun--it never is--but the sensation is undeniable.
So, your story was of great interest to me. And, it
reminded me of a dilemma a friend had when we were in
Atlanta. A group of us had been hanging out all day
and this friend on the drive back announced that he
might need to stop to go to the toilet. He knew that
once the need became urgent he would be in trouble. I
was driving and I purposely drove past a couple of
places we could have stopped. About two miles from
our destination this dude was sweating and almost
crying in the backseat. When we got to the house he
fumbled with the door and having difficulty for just a
split second unlocking, couldn't hold it anymore. He
dropped a big blob in his shorts between the car and
the front door. I felt badly for him because he was
so embarrased, but enjoyed the situation from my
perspective.
I hope I haven't weirded you out with this. I'd love
to find and read stories about dude's having
"accidents" in their pants. Any ideas?
Thanks
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My first impression was to seek this individual out and kill him. Instead,I think I'll drop one in my pant's to see how it feels. Hey, I'm open minded.
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I think the guy's full of shit, pun intended. Regardless, he deserves a severe beating whether the story's true or not. And I can't imagine the cleanup is really worth one lousy blowing of your chud.
Still, to each his own. As Dennis Miller once said, "I don't care if you have to strap a duckbill platypus to your crotch to get off - just don't ask me to borrow my platypus."
And why hasn't the Beatings Scale been added to the site yet? You know, Beyond Dental Recognition???
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Mainly, the beating scale has not been added because most of these guys don't know about it. For the uninitiated: it all started in the Shaw Hall Cafeteria at MSU, where my friend Dan and I would people-watch and discuss which chicks were hot, which guys were tools, and which people generally annoyed us. The particularly annoying people were said to have deserved a certain level of beating.
The scale went something like this, if I recall:
BEATING - Someone mildly annoying, who probably was a normal person but just rubbed us the wrong way for some reason. For instance, anyone besides Dan or I deserved a beating at one time or another.
SEVERE BEATING - Someone who consistently annoyed us. Also usually includes any guy dating a hot chick in the dorm.
FATAL BEATING - Obviously someone who deserves to die for the annoyances they heaped upon us. This was really reserved for only a few people. Though, I think my smelly roommate "Baloney Paul" probably reserved this title for himself before long.
BEATING BEYOND DENTAL RECOGNITION - I can really only remember one person that we developed this tier of assault for. It was a girl that Dan referred to as Death Girl. (asked why that was her "nom de mangé", he replied "because I want to kill her") Death Girl basically deserved such a heinous end simply by virtue of 1) being fairly unattractive and 2) acting like she wasn't. I think that's really what it boiled down to.
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My hats off to you! I hate it when people start talking with some authority on topics they know nothing about. Its no crime not to have knowledge on a subject. Hell, If you think about it, humans know very little about anything in the grand scheme of the universe.
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Really, Crockett? Poop? Is this really the place? Aren't we above such adolescent absurdity?
Oh wait. Nevermind. Good job!
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I like then lightning one. I've alway wanted to shit lightning, or at least crap thunder.
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Jackzilla said:
Really, Crockett? Poop? Is this really the place? Aren't we above such adolescent absurdity?
Oh wait. Nevermind. Good job!
Ah, eat shit, Zilla.
Oh, wait. Nevermind.
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I'm going waaaaaaaaay back to one of the very first items ever posted on JA... when I saw this, I couldn't help but think that if Bells had had one of these in his van, he could have averted disaster that day. Perhaps it's time to invest in...
The Brown Corporation
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Two things:
That's a British invention... shouldn't it be the Shite Box?
Also, re-reading this thread... "Baloney Paul"! Hahahahahahhahhahah! Classic! With his Star Trek phaser!
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Actually (I could be wrong) I think "shite" is more of an Irish term?
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