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OH Shit my drawers!!!!
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Entered on: December 15, 2005 11:15 PM by BigFatty
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| Last night it was snowing pretty bad, the roads were shitty and I had to drive Johnny to pick up his car way out in Lowell. Johnny had almost no sleep, being up all night at the hospital with his wife. We were both in a weird mood and both needed to blow off some steam. We turned onto Jack's street in the Fattymobile. I decided to drive asshole style, so I pulled the emergency brake to make things more interesting. My car started to fishtail. We started to chuckle. The fishtailing got worse, and we started to laugh. I was struggling to keep it under control, and we were cracking up. I then said Fuck IT! and gave up, we crashed into a snowbank while laughing our asses off. Jack pulled up and we went into his garage to wait for him to get the mail. I noticed I had some gas, so I let one rip. I have to admit, it was very impressive. It rattled out with a roar. Oh! There is more were that came from. I then proceeded to unleash a symphony of flatulence accompanied by a Fatty dance. I brought this performance into the house were I unleashed the final crescendo. The final note was awesome. The strength and power was belittling. The force of the exiting fart created a massive vortex that sucked the shit right out from mid-colon. My grand finale ended with a less impressive gurgle that was all telling to what had transpired. "Oh shit! Out of my way!" I cried has I shoved and waddled my way through the laughing audience. As I sat on the pot laughing at my own predicament, I noted the difference in smell when you shit yourself and when you just shit in the toliet. Shitting yourself is much more pungent. There was no saving my good pair of drawers. I deposited them into Zilla's trash. He was having a good laugh when he realized his garbage was just picked up that morning. Jack gets to store my shitty drawers for a full week! Feliz Navidad!!! |
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NEWS 317 - 5 Comments
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I am very, very sad that I wasn't around to witness this. More sad than missing the infamous jellybean consumption the day of Ross' wedding. One of these days, I will see Fatty shit himself, and all my dreams will be fulfilled!
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I will get pleasure from this story for years to come. Everyone loves a good Xmas pants shitting.
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"...loose, oily bowels; involuntary leakage; and a frequent, urgent need for a bowel movement."
Ok... that sounds fine, but what are the side effects?
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Yep, that describes my normal, everyday, state-of-being. So, is this a club I sign up for? Wait a minute. If those are the side effects of the fat limiting absorbtion drug, WHY AM I SO FRICKIN FAT? It must be my crappy diet and absolute void of exercise. My oily discharge, leakage, and frequent urges for a BM are just icing on the cake.
Wow, my life is fun!
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