When I have the home court advantage, I have become a fan of peeing in the seated position. I find it offers some advantages worth noting.
1. I figure - Why stand when you can sit?
2. No more pee spatter - It essentially eliminates unsightly stains on the rim and surrounding area reducing the unpleasant task of bowl maintenance.
3. You no longer have to worry about the ?who left the seat up? argument with your nagging/loving wife/girlfriend.
4. If the president calls with a DEFCON warning while you?re waiting for the last drop to fall, you?ll already be locked and loaded ? bombs away! Just be careful of the yellow fallout.
Outside the home this is no longer a feasable due to time limitations, clothing restraints and common sense. But now that I have discovered the joy of the seated pee, I?m afraid there?s no going back.
Absurd! First of all, it is far too effeminate. Second, the process of taking down your trousers, sitting down, then standing up and putting the trousers back on is far and away more complicated than simply unzip, whip it out, put it back in. I see no value in sitting down whatsoever. Consider your entire toilet process completely fubared.
You know, sitting while you pee is the ultimate in emasculation, castration excluded. I heard a story about a guy whose wife forced him to sit while he peed so she wouldn't have to clean up after him. She might as well have cut his balls off and put them in the meatloaf. I'm the last person to thump my chest and champion masculinity, but some lines just shouldn't be crossed.
That was my intention. I'm secure with my masculinity. I just subscribe to the home style seated pee method.
- Bone
My around the house garb usually consists of elastic waist bands, so I can drop trou with relative ease.
I believe it started when I would get up in the middle of the night. I hate turning on the light because it alters my sleep. So I would pee sitting in the dark to make sure I didn't get piss all over the floor. Then it just became a habit.
My around the house garb usually consists of elastic waist bands
Your garb consists of elastic waistbands? I knew Europe was liberal, but come on!
I believe it started when I would get up in the middle of the night. I hate turning on the light because it alters my sleep. So I would pee sitting in the dark to make sure I didn't get piss all over the floor. Then it just became a habit.
I've heard Howard Stern claim the same thing, he also complains of being tired so sitting helps him out there too.
Creeko, serious damage has been done to your manhood. What you need to do now:
1) Get yourself a manly crew cut
2) Lift some heavy ass weight - it'll boost your testosterone
3) Shitcan your elastic waist pants in favor of Levi's (with a damn belt).
4) Start pissing while standing. Piss on the floor is a small price to pay.
Sorry, Creeko. This ain't flying by me either. What's next? Wiping your ass by going under from the front?
I not only pee standing up, but sometimes I piss on the surrounding walls on purpose just to mark my territory. I also wipe my ass with BRAWNY (tm) brand paper towels: "The Shitter Picker Upper!"
Yes - Elastic waist bands! (I said my around the house garb) I'm away from home for almost 12 hours a day. When I get home, I want to get out of my smoky clothes and put on something comfortable. I?m not going to get all Barbied up at 8:30 at night if I?m not going anywhere. If someone comes over I put on some normal attire.
Geez, can?t a guy get comfortable in his own house?
Sorry Brohair - can't come to your defense here. It may be comfortable, but I agree with the Bone - It is just too much work. The zip, flip, piss, flip, zip method is the most efficient. It sounds like you are starting to increase your pee time. Granted the bathroom is my forttress of solitude - a place for reflection and relaxation. There has to be other places in your house for escapism. A comfortable chair perhaps?
The movie About Schmit - with Jack Nick. had the story Swerb is referring to. This guy's wife forced him to sit while pissing. When she died, he still did it out of habit, until he realized his freedom. He promptly did a thorough pissing on the floor.
I hear you on the piss splatter. I do a quick wipe of the rim with TP. I like to leave a clean bowl.
Whats the next discussion? People who like to shit while completely naked? I find it strange. Of course I have done it before - right before a shower, but some people will remove their clothes just for the shit. This is quite excessive.
One time in second grade, I came across my student teacher naked as a jaybird on the pot. Yes, I found this strange even at my young age, especially now when I reflect on his job and environment. C'mon a male student teacher buck-naked in a school boys bathroom? For some reason I think he was only taking a shit - I hope he was!
That is some disturbing shit, Fatty. These days a man would (and should) be fired for such a thing. What kind of bathroom was this? How big was it? Was he 100% clothing-free? No shoes or socks, even? That's not just dumb but unsanitary! Has the statute of limitations passed on getting this guy in trouble? Clearly you are still experiencing the pyschological after-effects and should be able to claim such in court, perhaps reaping a sizable financial settlement.
Oh god that's so funny I was literally just now rolling on the floor laughing...
I just realized something though... Fatty, were you at Brookside in 2nd grade? If so, that makes some more sense because they didn't, for some fucked up reason, have doors on the stalls there. That's the only way I could understand how you saw this lunatic in all his glory.
Yep - it was at Brookside. Brookside O Brookside we love you dearly..... It was in the second grade bathroom, or in the lower 'L' as they called it back then. Thanks for clearing things up about the bathroom doors, I have been wondering why I saw the full monty. From what I remember, he was completely nude, sitting on the pot. No socks, no shoes, no service thank you! He didn't say anything, and I think he was embarassed. I got the feeling that this was how he shat. But even then, especially with no doors, you do not go into any public bathroom and disrobe. What kind of issues did this guy have if he had to be naked to shit? The guy had to be 22-24, which is scary in its own right with that kind of behavior. He has many more years to fully develop his crazy!
I just want to clarify that Creeko is the one with red shoes and a man bag before I pass judgement.
The hotel I stayed in at the beach this weekend had the perfect toliet for you people. It had a front wash, back wash, AND dryer feature. This was all part of the toliet. You could press the buttons on the wall above the toliet paper roll, or on the left side of the toliet to select the feature you wished to use. And yes, there was a separate hose for fresh water for the wash feature.
Hands down, this this the best toilet feature I can imagine. Next time I am living the high-life in the US, this will be one of my first purchases. Then I'll know I've made it. (as featured in JA before)
Fatty- It was the TOTO S400 as seen on your link!!! I maybe adding these to my three bathrooms if it will increase the value of my home since we are in a decline! Now I know why they say upgrades in the kitchen AND bathroom add the most value to your home.
These are the bathroom upgrades they are talking about! I have to say, the heated seat is sweet in the middle of the night when it's cooler out, but a little warm during the day!!
Bone may be willing to have times with the same girl 2 nights in a row if she has one of these sweet seats in her home!
