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Skeptic's Annotated Bible
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Entered on: August 30, 2004 11:56 AM by Ross
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| I mentioned this site just a bit ago in a comment, but it's so good that I need to make a full thread about it, as I can see that I will be (if only for my own amusement) posting some of my favorite nutty Bible passages from here.
Please check out The Skeptics Annotated Bible. |
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NEWS 219 - 6 Comments
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Ha ha hah! It's so much easier for me to understand Biblical events when they're played out via Legos.
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From Exodus:
34:14
For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
34:15
Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods, and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice;
34:16
And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.
First, I'd like to mention that this is just one of MANY MANY places where the notion of other gods existing can be found in the Bible. And it's great that he says his name is "Jealous". God even mentions other gods, and not to worship them. So much for monotheism in the Bible.
Next, I love that the women go whoring after their gods, but they MAKE the men also go whoring. It's always the woman's fault in the Bible, fellas.
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Also, we are some unclean mofos:
From Leviticus:
15:16
And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:17
And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.
15:18
The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:19
And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
15:20
And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
15:21
And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:22
And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:23
And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
15:24
And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.
15:25
And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.
15:26
Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
15:27
And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:28
But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.
To sum up: don't jerk off, or spooge on yourself, and you'd better clean it up quick, but you're still a dirty bastard. Also, stay the fuck away from menstruating women for a week, don't touch them or anything that they themselves touch.
19:20
And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free.
And if you pork an engaged slave, SHE gets the punishment! Nice!
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THIS is why I don't read the Bible. It infuriates me that so many stupid fucking people take this shit as the undisputable truth. Like Ned Flanders said, "I've done all the stuff you said to do in the Bible - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!"
Actually, I should read the Bible for the same reasons you do, Bert - to be informed when you get into arguments. By the way, what's the link to that infidel website you were telling me about?
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