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NEWS 217 - 43 Comments
From: John Entered on: August 24, 2004 5:24 PM
I just wanted to add that a year from now I'll be a Cellular Jesus. No more Johnny Butternut, I'll be known as the Cellular Jesus. I'm going to be trained in cell phone repair and troubleshooting. Who'd have thunk it.
From: The Bone Entered on: August 24, 2004 6:34 PM
Oh boy, now I get to learn exactly why my cell phone cuts out when I talk to you. Congradulantions Johnny boy. That's great news. I'll give you a call to here all about it.     By the way, Fatty needs to call me soon.
From: Ross Entered on: August 24, 2004 7:07 PM
The sweetest thing about this is that the Jesus might finally get himself a phone of his own! Hallelujah!     When do you leave for training?     What company is this for?     How did you get this opportunity?     Speak up, man!
From: The Bone Entered on: August 24, 2004 7:58 PM
Roche is back to full man status!
From: BigFatty Entered on: August 24, 2004 8:41 PM
Dude - I will be calling you shortly. Whens the best time?     Anyway, think of Cellular Jesus to the tune of Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus - Its catchy!     Ross, Gaming is planned for this Saturday. So far an 8 man (teenage girl) session is scheduled. The Fab 5 and Tom and is girls. U R N!
From: Swerb Entered on: August 25, 2004 11:36 AM
Bert: I have no plans for Friday, and seeing "Hero" is definitely at the top of my list. Saturday afternoon will be taken up for my mom's birthday, but I will be free for gaming around 7 p.m. or so.     I'd also like to offer my congradulantions to Johnnybells. Hopefully, you'll eventually be able to explain to me why my fucking phone fails to ring whenever I get an important call.
From: Ross Entered on: August 25, 2004 12:11 PM
Sweet. I'll try to figger out if I can manage to leave work a bit early and give an ETA of when I can get in town. What are the rest of your fools doing Friday? Hero anyone?
From: John Entered on: August 25, 2004 1:10 PM
I'm in for some "Hero" plus I'd like to see the new Swerb pad. Thanks for the congradulantions guy's. The first thing I'll try to learn about is why Swerb's phone fails to ring when an important phone call comes in.
From: BigFatty Entered on: August 25, 2004 3:42 PM
Fatz is in for Hero! We will make a Boys night!     What do we eat??!!!!
From: John Entered on: August 25, 2004 7:09 PM
I want food and lots of it!
From: The Bone Entered on: August 25, 2004 10:46 PM
You can have some tuna and a spinach salad you fat fuckers!
From: Creeko Entered on: August 26, 2004 2:30 AM
Well, this is a first. You?re all going to see HERO in the theater whilst in Spain it?s already out on DVD. So guess what I did... I rented last night!   It?s pretty sweet. I?d call it a colorful poetic kick-ass swordsman film. There are some scenes that that will definitely leave an impression, a great combination of action, drama and cinematography. You should all enjoy it.
From: Ross Entered on: August 26, 2004 7:32 AM
It can be had here on DVD as well, Creeko. The movie is a few years old. I know numerous people who have seen it. But sometimes going to the theater is just better.
From: Ross Entered on: August 26, 2004 9:08 AM
Alright Jokers, I'm taking half the day off work tomorrow, so I expect to leave town around 1:30 PM my time (2:30 MI time) which will probably put me in GR around 6PM, allowing for some traffic. Swerb, I'll call you today sometime, but it looks like Fatty and I want to head back to that steakhouse downtown if it's kosher with you and the Cellular Jesus.
From: Swerb Entered on: August 26, 2004 11:48 AM
Steak: Hell yeah! That's good eatin'! Also, anyone who may be visiting the new Swerb pad, be warned it's a work in progress. Some of it is looking sweet, and some of it, not so sweet... hope you don't mind sleeping on my comfy couch, Bert, because the guest bedroom is a shambles. Actually, calling it a shambles is being nice.     By the way, I literally just talked to John Douglas, and he said Hero was good. He's quite a fan of samurai flicks, so I trust his judgment here.
From: BigFatty Entered on: August 27, 2004 8:26 AM
It looks like my buddy Nate will come along too. Hes been wanting to go to that Steakhouse. Jack offered to have us all meet at Rookies. I think he wants to dangle some shiney baubles in front of you guys.     Jack and I bought 3 boxes yesterday. His workroom is jammed with them now! I got the Green Halo one. Its for sale!!!!!
From: Ross Entered on: August 27, 2004 9:49 AM
Sounds good. I am going to be getting a box for my buddy Hirsch, too. What I want to do is have the Hirsch Is Gay Box. Think we can rig that up this weekend?
From: Ross Entered on: August 27, 2004 10:52 AM
Okay, I have booked reservations for six people at 8PM at Louis Benton in illustrious downtown Grand Rapids. Hopefully we will avoid some fornications this way.
From: The Bone Entered on: August 27, 2004 10:31 PM
Fuck cellular technician, you should bust out your old nunchaku skills and be like this guy:     http://media.ebaumsworld.com/afroninja.mpg
From: Ross Entered on: August 30, 2004 9:54 AM
We all saw Hero on Friday night, and Roche, Swerb and I liked it quite well, while Fatty, Zilla, and Nate renamed it "Crappy Tiger, Hidden Stank." I think they're off their rockers, but to each their own, I guess.
From: Ross Entered on: August 31, 2004 6:18 PM
I wonder how it's going for 'ol Johnnybells over there in Ohio. Not to be too much of a pessimistic arsehurl, but a couple of things could have gone wrong:     -He could have gotten pulled over and tossed in the hoosegow for his unpaid speeding ticket in the state of Ohio.     -He could have found some people to hit the local strip clubs with and be well on his way to financial ruin.     -Having meals paid-for by the company could lead to copious overeating and pushing him past the 230lb threshold.     Here's to hoping that when he returns, he'll be a lean, mean, cell phone-fixing machine! Well, the mean part, anyway.
From: BigFatty Entered on: September 1, 2004 12:32 AM
I think he'll be spending the time making himeself 'unclean'
From: Ross Entered on: September 1, 2004 1:39 PM
Fatty, have you noticed that I added your requested changes to the site?     Speaking of which, are there any enhancements I can add that you guys have been wanting? I'm guessing not, since this place has been dead for the past week or so....
From: The Bone Entered on: September 1, 2004 3:47 PM
It's just the off season, things will pick back up in the fall.
From: The Bone Entered on: September 1, 2004 4:09 PM
Ok this isn't going to spark much discussion from most Jackasses but here's an update in the BONE ROAD TO SWEETNESS PROGRAM.     I've been training for the Honolulu marathon for about a week and a half now. My legs are sore a fark. I've been able to complete most of my training plan but not all of it because it's a ball buster. Here it is:     http://www.timeoutdoors.com/run/training/4RUNG0C010 31430E.htm     I'm still lifting 3 times a week. Chest/Back on Monday and Friday an Shoulders/Biceps/Triceps on Wednesday. Each week I alternate the days I work the body parts so I get Shoulders/Biceps/Triceps on twice a week on one week then only once the next week.     Finally, I've been boxing and kickboxing a couple times a week. Yesterday I sparred with this guy:     http://www.sherdog.com/fightfinder/fightfinder.asp? fighterid=2823     As fit as I think I am, I ran out of gas real quick and simulaneously wanted to vomit and cry. It was fun.
From: Ross Entered on: September 1, 2004 7:53 PM
Bone, that's super-super sweet. You're a fucking machine. I'm jealous beyond belief. Roche was actually telling me all about this right before I read it on here. I was looking to copy your marathoning style but I found out the Chicago marathon is on Oct 10 and they already closed registration, plus that's a pretty short amount of time to train. So instead I'll have to be contented to try to get a little inspiration and haul my ass to the gym more often than my usual twice a week bullshit. I'll especially have to get in shape when next summer gets closer, as I can't be a fat man in my own wedding.
From: BigFatty Entered on: September 2, 2004 2:06 AM
Yep, looks good Ross. Having it at the bottom will help a lot as well as at the top.
From: Ross Entered on: September 2, 2004 8:10 AM
Um, thanks for the sentiment Fatty, but I have no idea what that means.
From: BigFatty Entered on: September 7, 2004 1:45 AM
I like my new job of making lots of CASSSSHHHHH! Just sold two boxes for the total sum of $950. Poppa like! It kinda makes a guy want to stay around here to grab up all that money being thrown around. Why go to school now? I know how to make money!     In other news...... I will be Jack's intern at Rookies after my classes are done. It better not be like Kramerica Industries. I am planning to do a project on Rookies expanding to offer a gaming branch.
From: Ross Entered on: September 7, 2004 7:49 AM
Believe it or not, I actually had a dream last night that Jack relocated his store so he could start doing videogame-related sales.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: September 7, 2004 10:04 AM
Ross - I have an idea for a site enhancement! How about changing LATEST COMMENTS to LATEST ENTRIES and having it include new photos or message headings? I often miss new ones because I just click on the NEW COMMENTS...
From: Ross Entered on: September 7, 2004 10:28 AM
Excellent idea, Jack! I dont know why I didn't think of that. I'm on it...
From: Ross Entered on: September 7, 2004 12:46 PM
Okay, I have the "Latest Entries" box working on my development computer (at work, no less), and it seems to be working well. It should be rolled into the latest build for Jackassery tonight or tomorrow sometime (I dont know if I'll have time tonight, I'm going to a Cubs game right after work) so stay tuned for it.
From: Jackzilla Entered on: September 7, 2004 1:07 PM
SWEET, ROSS! Now I'll notice the Bone's latest BIKER ACCIDENT PHOTO as soon as he posts it!
From: Ross Entered on: September 7, 2004 2:24 PM
I've got to say, it's not as easy as it seems to get it to work - it really shows the flaws in my designs when I see how difficult it is to adapt every kind of entry to show up in one report. Worse, it's murder on the performance of the system, since I've doubled the number of types of entries to scan and sort through. So now I'm writing code to improve that performance. But don't worry, it's worth it when it's all in the name of assholery.     Jackassery is a full time job, I tell you!
From: Jackzilla Entered on: September 7, 2004 2:29 PM
That's why we pay you a full-time wage, arsehurl!
From: Ross Entered on: September 7, 2004 9:52 PM
Okay, the changes are in effect. Let me know if anything goes haywire, they are kind of substantial changes and I wouldn't be surprised if I inadvertentlyl fornicated some hidden process...
From: John Entered on: September 18, 2004 5:04 PM
Just as an update, my job is going quite well. The guy's I work with are very cool and we have loads of fun. The thing is I'm busy as hell and have less time for Jackassery. Once I adapt to my new life I'll be on more. I got my first paycheck today, SWEEET!
From: John Entered on: December 2, 2004 9:23 PM
Well, the cellular technician finally has an active cell phone. I'm the proud owner of a LG VX6100 camera phone. It's fucking sweet as hell and my wife has one as well. $50 for both phones, one hell of a deal. My number is 450-8353 and yes my banner says JOHNNYBELLS. Don't worry Zilla, you're on my speed dail as JackZilla. The 6100 is a sweeter phone than the 6000, thought you might like to know, Bert. ;-)
From: Ross Entered on: December 3, 2004 6:59 AM
I'm jealous! What are the new sweeter features?     And our Verizon-to-Verizon calls are free, are they not?
From: John Entered on: December 4, 2004 9:26 AM
Our Verizon-to-Verizon calls are indeed free! The 6100 has better voice command features and looks sweeter, that's about it. Oh, and it has more memory, but the 6000 and 6100 are similar in function.
From: BigFatty Entered on: December 5, 2004 6:04 AM
But what about the Bear?
From: John Entered on: December 5, 2004 7:59 AM
I hear the Bear works great! It's even Bluetooth enabled.