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Challenge of the Day
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Entered on: May 4, 2004 5:45 PM by Ross
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| The other day in the company cafeteria, I overheard one of the buffoons behind the counter bragging to his friends that in college he used to drink 12 beers in a half hour. Immediately my bullshit detector went off. Now, this was a fairly large guy - probably 6'2", 230, but I'm still reasonably certain that he couldn't pull it off. That's over a gallon of beer in 30 minutes, or 1 beer every 2.5 minutes, 12 times in a row. I simply don't believe that very many humans can hold onto that much ingested liquid in their bodies at one time. Even after "breaking the seal," it's not like you can piss as fast as you drink.
Also consider that the "Century Club," which is drinking 100 1oz shots of beer in 100 minutes, is difficult even for most experienced drinkers, but this isn't even close to what this guy was claiming in terms of volume/time.
I brought this up to one guy at work who agreed it was bullshit. We agreed that we'd even pay to watch someone try. So I tell another friend and he tells me I'm full of shit, that HE could do it! He's about 5'11", with a nice gut on him so let's say he's about 210-220. I granted him that he could use a beer bong, he could piss while drinking, he could use every unnatural trick in the book, as long as he ingested a full 144 oz of beer (even light beer) within 30 minutes, and I'd pay him $500. Actually, it'd be a real bet, so he'd have to pay me the same if he lost. Of course, the more he's thinking about it, he's starting to realize that this isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am shocked at how drinking lore can get blown out of proportion so fast. Both "believers" in the office claimed that I must not have known many drinkers in my day since they both knew guys my size who could drink that much. BULLSHIT! |
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NEWS 190 - 13 Comments
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Also speaking of beer, I found this site: www.ratebeer.com - Bells from Kalamazoo has quite a few in the top 50. The Roche/Bone favorite Hens Tooth is pegged at a lowly 56 percentile, however.
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Shit negro, these guys don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Roche and I have superior tasting skills.
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I've been able to knock back a sixpack somewhere in the 20 - 25 minute mark in my heyday, but it was strenuous to get the last 2 beers down. There's no fucking way I could have put 12 in a half hour and I was way better than the average beer drinker. There may be someone out there who could get close with a bong but it ain't your co-worker.
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Bone - Remember when we used to punch a hole in the bottom of the can so we could drink them faster? Even using that trick did not allow us to drink 12 beers in 30 minutes. Your bullshit detector is right on the money, Bert. Your 500 bucks is safe as far as I can see.
Hens Tooth is some fine beer and these guys don't know what the fuck their talking about.
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Just check the site out! From the reviews I read, they said it was similar to another superior beer. I'm thinking I'm going to sample some of their top beers, if I can get ahold of them.
As for the beer challenge, I think Hirsch (that's the guy who said he'd do it, Roche, you met him) will back out. But just in case, I'm going to write up a contract so there's no sniveling and weaseling. Here's what I've got so far, let me know if I'm missing anything else obvious.
(I've edited this since our discussions)
This is a BET for $500 between the parties Jeffrey Hirsch and Ross Johnson. The winner of this bet will receive $500 USD (cash, bills only) from the other, promptly, at the conclusion of the exhibition.
The bet states that in order for Mr. Hirsch to be declared the victor, he must ingest and consume at least 144 fluid ounces of beer within a time span of 30 minutes. Mr. Johnson will be declared the victor if Mr. Hirsch fails to do so. The following rules apply:
The brand and type of beer is of Mr. Hirsch?s choice, but it must be at least 4% alcohol by volume. It must also be easily obtainable in the Chicagoland area.
Mr. Johnson will provide the beer, and Mr. Hirsch may witness the purchase of said beer if he so wishes.
The beer may be ingested in any manner of Mr. Hirsch's pleasing: cans, bottles, beer bong, etc. However, it must be ingested orally.
If Mr. Hirsch vomits at any time during the contest, he must vomit into a receptacle suitable for measuring the vomit volume. This amount of beer will then have to be re-consumed.
If vomiting occurs and the volume cannot be measured, Mr. Hirsch must forfeit the contest (at Mr. Johnson's discretion - i.e. a small amount may not warrant forfeiture)
Mr. Hirsch may urinate at any point during the contest.
Mr. Johnson will not be held in any way responsible for any harm done to Mr. Hirsch as a result in participating in this contest. This includes any bills due to hospitalization for alcohol poisoning, drunken driving, slip-and-falls, etc. It also includes any incidental property damage caused by participants and spectators of the event.
In the event that Mr. Hirsch is rendered unable to complete the criteria stated above so as to be considered the winner of the contest, including payment of Mr. Johnson as a result of losing or forfeiture, Mr. Hirsch must have an appointed second who will make the final payment to Mr. Johnson at the conclusion of the 30 minutes.
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You probably should add, "Good luck mother fucker!"
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It seems pretty straight forward to me.
Although, you might want to allow him to cosume the beer of his choice or one that you both agree on so long as it contains at least 4% Alc. That way he can't say you tried to screw him with some skank beer.
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Yeah, it would be a beer of his choice, though you're right, I didn't explicitly state that. Good thinking.
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Yeah, make him drink Crazy Horse or Old English and he'd be royally screwed!
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He is going to hurl after beer # four if he goes the Beer Bong route. But - my money is he will wise up and back out. When real money is on the line, people tend to shut up and walk away.
This reminded me about a 'bet' that me and Terry the Tender Tamer had. He had just seen the results of the River Bank Run and that some Kenyan won it with an absurd time. The dudes average was around the 4:40 min mile mark. Terry reasoned that if this guy could do it for the 16 or so miles, he could do it for 1. I loved it! He thought he was in decent shape from all the B-ball he played. I told him he was full of shit and challenged him to do 1 mile in 5 minutes. I got a pool together of $100 if he did it. He went home that night to do a test run of 1/4 mile. He run up to the kids bus stop to pick them up and time it.
The next day, all he said was Hell NO! He ran up to the bus stop and was so fucked up, he was afraid his kids would get off the bus and find their dad dead of a heart attack.
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These contests are always easier when you're on the side of "I bet you CAN'T..." I love to take advantage of poor saps who think their powers are beyond that of normal humans.
A 5 minute mile is extremely formidable. Perhaps if Terry had been a runner all along, he could pull it off, but even most cross country runners can't run that fast - that's 12 mph for 5 minutes straight. That's damn near a sprint for most people.
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I've blasted a mile in the high fives before but that was in OCS where we ran like sonofabitches every day. Today I knocked out 12 minutes at 8mph. I'd rather take the 12 beers bet than the mile in 5.
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You know, if Hirsch was smart, he'd back out not because he'll lose 500 bucks, but because this is an absolutely horrible thing to do to your body. You always hear horror stories about college kids binge drinking themselves to death... which still doesn't stop me from thinking your contract is fucking hilarious, Bert.
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