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NEWS 153 - 29 Comments
From: Ross Entered on: December 12, 2003 2:48 PM
Wow. The opening paragraph of a not-so-good review:     "To paraphrase Groucho Marx, "Honey" may look like the dumbest thing you have ever seen in your life and it may sound like the dumbest thing you?ve ever seen in your life, but don?t be fooled-it really is the dumbest thing that you will ever see in your life. Even by the standards of bubble-headed exploitation movies designed for no other reason than to soak up a few bucks, it comes up short. While it fails to achieve its stated goal of being a "Flashdance" for a new generation, it does come perilously close to being a modern-day "Glitter"."     and Roche, the very next paragaph is targeted right at you:     "Jessica Alba, the insanely attractive star of the now-defunct "Dark Angel" series (a show that was sadly canceled once the core audience of 14 year-olds and dirty old men finally realized that, since the show wasn?t on cable, she wouldn?t actually be getting naked)... "
From: BigFatty Entered on: December 12, 2003 5:56 PM
That review is sweet! I do believe the last paragraph will strike a cord with Johnny. He finally has professional affrimation that JA is "insanely attractive".     Take that Bone! ;)
From: The Bone Entered on: December 12, 2003 7:10 PM
Quote by reviewer Jesse Hassenger , "Alba, for all of her blandness, seems nice enough."     There you go, it's seems we are stuck. One reviewer thinks she's insanely hot, the other bland. Since paid critics are the pentultimate authority, we are observing an impossibility - two opposing opinions by people who are never wrong. It's the ultimate paradox.     I'll break the tie and restore order. She's bland as bread.
From: Ross Entered on: December 12, 2003 8:13 PM
Actually, we would need another paid critic to break the tie. Swerb, are you up the challenge? What is Jessica Alba's official Hot Status?
From: Swerb Entered on: December 13, 2003 5:11 PM
Meh.     Note: "Meh," for those of you who don't watch The Simpsons, designates complete indifference to the matter. Jessica Alba is "meh."
From: The Bone Entered on: December 13, 2003 8:23 PM
That's right asshole's.
From: Ross Entered on: December 14, 2003 10:59 AM
You already said that before, you unoriginal bastard! :)
From: Swerb Entered on: December 14, 2003 9:01 PM
That's right, asshole!
From: Ross Entered on: December 15, 2003 7:41 AM
Good point.
From: John Entered on: December 15, 2003 10:28 PM
To each their own, Bone. She's hot in my book and that's all that counts for me.
From: The Bone Entered on: December 16, 2003 12:29 AM
Makes sense. You like goatees too. As long as your comfortable with these questionable ideas. I guess that's all that matters.     By the way, I ran a search on google and just as I thought:   http://hairy.hairymen.ws/hairy/1132.html
From: Creeko Entered on: December 16, 2003 2:32 AM
Hey Bone, do you have that link in your favorites?
From: Ross Entered on: December 16, 2003 8:01 AM
As long as he doesn't like goatees wrapped around his crank, that's really all that matters. Why isn't that quote in the encyclopedia, anyway? Roche, I think that story needs telling.
From: BigFatty Entered on: December 16, 2003 12:34 PM
Bone's link goes back to my thoughts on how he comes across these questionable links.
From: Ross Entered on: December 16, 2003 12:43 PM
Fatty, I can't help but concur with you. Jackassery is forever tainted by association with gay porn.
From: The Bone Entered on: December 16, 2003 4:52 PM
Fatty - you have thoughts on my process of coming across questionable links? It is common knowledge that goatees and homosexuality are intertwined. I don't know why - it's just stereotype created by the public at large. I simplydid a search on google typing in "goatees". Sure enough, a couple links down is the site. If you have any thoughts which are dissimilar to this, you should have your thought maker re-calibrated.
From: BigFatty Entered on: December 16, 2003 5:03 PM
Yes I have thoughts of you coming across questionable links. Your explaination for this one makes the idea even more funny. Its not that you are finding gay porn links for us to look at. It is you sitting around and deciding to do a google search on goatees. Finally, the internet is fulfilling its glorious purpose.     I find it hilarious that you are sitting around and out of nowhere, the thought strikes you to search for goatees .     BTW - I thought this link was better. I did Erik Estrada and he looks more gay than evil. Growing an evil goatee takes a lot of work, but it is still worth it! (ex. Simmons, Hasselhoff)     http://www.goateestyle.com/goatee/evil.phtml
From: John Entered on: December 19, 2003 6:36 PM
Well, Bone, at this moment I have a full beard, so your point is moot. Bert is right though, at least I never had a goatee wrapped around my crank.
From: The Bone Entered on: December 19, 2003 9:29 PM
That's good, however that fact does a good job demonstrating that goatees are usually seen wrapped around cranks.
From: Ross Entered on: December 20, 2003 7:48 AM
LOL! Was it Mike, or Mike's crank, that had the goatee?
From: John Entered on: December 23, 2003 2:40 PM
Both, I believe. Mike had a goatee and so did the guy sucking it hence, "you had a goatee wrapped around your cock" ,which is what I said to him the next day. I've never had one wrapped around my crank or wrapped mine around anothers crank.     As far as goatees being gay, I don't know, but I've seen some big bad ass dudes wearing them before as well as gay dudes. Just because someone wears a goatee it doesn't mean their gay.
From: John Entered on: December 23, 2003 2:35 PM
Oh, and one more thing, I seem to recall a review of Star Wars where the reviewer suggests that Natlie Portman was bland looking.
From: The Bone Entered on: December 23, 2003 4:52 PM
Portman may indeed be bland looking but she's got tons of personality. In fact, she's got ten times more personality than that pig from Green Acres. This fact makes her radiant.     As for goatees. Your right, just because you have a goatee doesn't make you gay - it just makes you look gay.
From: John Entered on: December 24, 2003 2:20 AM
Unfortunately I need to wear some kind of facial hair all year round until I lose weight. I don't want to wear a full beard in the summer so I have a goatee. I'd rather look gay than shave it because I look like shit with no facial hair.     Natalie Portman looks far from bland to me but hey what do I know, I don't think Jessica Alba looks bland either.
From: Ross Entered on: December 25, 2003 10:49 AM
I don't think anyone would think Alba is bland, whether they think she's hot or not. Some think her exotic, some think her lopsided. :)     Natalie Portman could be construed as bland only if you figure that she has no flaws, therefore she's got nothing much to talk about. So be it. I'm still a fan.
From: Ross Entered on: April 6, 2004 1:09 PM
So Roche, Honey is out on video. Have you obtained a copy from you local video store and chafed yourself into oblivion yet?
From: Swerb Entered on: April 6, 2004 1:20 PM
Actually, I noticed a picture of Jessica Alba on the bathroom wall at Hogs and Honeys Saturday night (I kind of liked the collage of babes on the walls), but forgot to mention it.
From: Ross Entered on: April 6, 2004 1:37 PM
Did it say "For a Bland Time, call..."?
From: The Bone Entered on: April 6, 2004 5:09 PM
That's right asshole!